It was a night of puffy lips, dearly departed relatives, and one very-unwanted email on tonight’s episode of The Real Housewives of Beverly Hills. It was also a night where we got to see Lisa Vanderpump’s true talent: impressions! First, it was a raspy-voiced Kim Richards, and then an electronic-cigarette-loving Alison DuBois. If you ask us, her talent for mimickry is just further proof that our girl Lisa needs to get a gig hosting SNL, stat!
Tonight’s episode, “Your Face or Mine?,” started out with Paul’s Night of
Free Advertising Beauty, as he essentially used the poor ladies as guinea pigs for his devices and injections. In fact, with all the strange-looking machines that Paul was using on the women, we were almost worried he was going to try to convince them to add an inch or two to their height by getting strapped into one of those Medieval-era torture devices that stretches people’s bodies. (You can’t argue with results, right, Paul?)
Kyle Richards tries Paul’s weight-loss laser, although Paul used the words “muffin top” so many times to describe it that we weren’t sure if we were watching Bravo or the Food Network. Speaking of eating (or not), Taylor Armstrong is ready to get fillers for her face, but Lisa just thinks she just should eat more, which Taylor doesn’t appreciate. (Your tactics aren’t working, Lisa! Let it go already!)
Kim is supposed to getting some beauty work done, but she’s running a little late, since Kim apparently is on time about as often as a pizza delivery guy is. When she finally arrives, she and Kyle have more disagreements than usual (yikes!). Kim tells Kyle she won’t be attending Kyle’s seance because of her religious beliefs, which doesn’t sound like such a far-fetched excuse to us, except when you remember that Kim has seen a psychic in the past. Thus, Lisa and Kyle assume she has made plans to do something else (or, rather, see someone else).
Kim doesn’t really want to get any kind of work done, and even Adrienne tries to discourage her from getting anything done (which is sorta like Michelle Obama telling people to vote for Romney). But Kim then decides to go with the flow, opting for enlarged lips, even though — as she points out — this is the very thing that she rather cruelly mocked Taylor for last season. How quickly things change.
It’s right before this procedure that Paul realizes it’s Kim three prescription drugs that are interacting and causing her slurred speech and intoxicated behavior. Considering this episode happens to be airing on the day of the Conrad Murray verdict, we’re glad that Paul is no longer just going on about how Kim seems wasted — as he did during the flight to Sacramento — and instead trying to actually solve the problem.
Speaking of lips, Kyle wants Kim to close hers, as Kyle shushes her as Paul is prepping Kim’s lips with some kind of cream that looks like it was borrowed from The Joker’s makeup bag. Kim tells Kyle to stop acting like her mother, at which point Kyle leaves the room, which is a nice way of wishing someone well right before they undergo a painful procedure.
Taylor is about to leave when Lisa stops her and asks about the email which she just received from Russell, informing Lisa that he and Taylor are still together and that all is hunky-dory over at Chez Armstrong. (We see Lisa reading the email on her pink iPad, of course, since this is Lisa we’re talking about.) Taylor tells Lisa to talk to Russell about it, which then leads to a stare-down between these two that felt like something out of Clint Eastwood movie. (Cue the rolling tumbleweeds and that whistling theme music from The Good, The Bad, and The Ugly.)
Tensions between Lisa and Taylor continue as Taylor arrives early to Kyle’s seance — or maybe it’s more of a “seance party,” since most seances in horror movies that we’ve seen don’t typically involve angel-food cupcakes on a mound of shredded coconut. Taylor has learned that Lisa told Camille that Taylor doesn’t have any friends, and she is in hysterics. If this is indeed true, we can’t figure out why Lisa would have said this. Talk about harsh — especially coming from someone whose own best friend often appears to be a certain pampered Pomeranian.
Kyle’s psychic, Rebecca, is on hand to prepare for the seance, which involves searching for magnetic energy with some kind of device that made her look kinda like an old man with a metal detector looking for lost coins on the beach. Indeed, Rebecca has learned that there are “visitors” present, which means that it’s either time to start the seance, or it’s time to get Bill Murray and Dan Akroyd on the phone. (Who ya gonna call?)
Rebecca manages to communicate with deceased family members of almost all of the ladies, starting with Adrienne’s father, and hearing from her father — who passed on when she was young — makes the normally composed Adrienne get emotional. Lisa’s grandmother apparently tried to communicate with Lisa last season through psycho-psychic Allison DuBois, but apparently Allison was a bit more concerned at the time with predicting that Mauricio would be cheating on Kyle any day now. (So much for that vision.)
Rebecca hears that Camille’s grandparents are apparently popping champagne to celebrate her divorce from Kelsey, while Kyle was apparently Kim’s mother in a previous life. Um, okay. Taylor apparently needs to be with someone who’s less focused on money, which Taylor seems to resent. But the person who is really not buying into the whole experience is Brandi, who is told that she’s about to have a daughter. Unfortunately, Brandi has no plans to have another kid. (Maybe she's just worried about having to deal with another rogue pee incident.)
The final scene of the episode takes place at Kim’s soon-to-be-former house, as Kim informs Kyle that — instead of moving closer to her sister — she will in fact be moving farther away, and will be living with her boyfriend Ken Blumenfeld. Kyle realizes that she had met Ken at Paris Hilton’s party, and Kyle apparently got the feeling that night that this guy isn’t right for her sister. (Then again, we get the feeling that not even George Clooney would meet Kyle’s sky-high standards for her little sister.) Kyle doesn’t know why Kim kept this a secret and wants her to reconsider. In other words, Kyle’s reaction is exactly why Kim was afraid to tell her about Ken!
We’re not really sure how we feel about this whole situation. It’s certainly strange that Kim felt the need to hide Ken from Kyle, since Kim and Kyle have been spending a lot of time together lately. Then again, it’s weird that Kyle’s first reaction is to convince Kim to change her mind. Since Kyle doesn’t even know Ken, it’s odd that she feels compelled to keep Kim from him or control Kim’s life. Okay, maybe meeting a guy at the mailbox may not be the sort of thing that Meg Ryan films are made of, but Kyle should at least give the guy a chance, right?
And then it all leads to next week’s tense episode, as a teary-eyed Kyle is introduced to Ken. Plus, Taylor and Lisa will finally confront one another. Meanwhile, we could use a snack. Anyone for seance-themed cupcakes?