It's no more Mrs. Nice Housewife! Tonight’s episode of The Real Housewives of Beverly Hills was a shocking, no-holds-barred throwdown, as tensions between Lisa Vanderpump and Taylor Armstrong finally reached the breaking point, and nothing was off-limits — not even pictures of poor Giggy! Can the guy help it if he’s just so darn photogenic?
The episode starts out with Kim Richards introducing Kyle to the man she's moving in with, Ken Blumenfeld, which is awkward but practically hunky-dory compared to where the episode is headed. Kyle notices a ring from Kim on Ken’s wedding finger, which the lovebirds claim isn’t actually an engagement ring. However, this causes Kyle to excuse herself to go cry in the bathroom. And then Ken claims that this all went well, leading us to wonder how people usually react when they meet the guy, if he considers tears to be a step up!
Next is Adrienne Maloof and her husband Paul celebrating his birthday but bickering the whole way through it. Ordinarily, seeing these two squabble about every little thing would be somewhat arduous, but on a night like this, we’ll take it! We wish all of tonight’s disagreements could be as trivial as whether Paul takes too long to place his order.
And now we get into the meat of the episode. Taylor has been nominated for “Philanthropist of the Year” by a group that supports women in business. Kyle is having trouble finding the rest of the women at the event, so when Lisa just happens to call her at that exact moment, Kyle asks where they are, but of course, Lisa has not been invited to Taylor’s event. (Anyone else think that Lisa may have been instructed by the producers about when to call Kyle? Just a hunch.)
Lisa was actually calling to invite Kyle over tomorrow for tea, and so Lisa — hurt by being excluded but never one to cut and run — decides to still throw the tea party, making a point of inviting Taylor. The other women arrive before Taylor does, and they discuss that several of them received an email from Russell regarding a story about Taylor turning to diet pills. Then Lisa squeezes in a catty remark to the camera about Taylor only eating diet pills. See, Lisa — this is how you got into this mess!
Taylor finally arrives, and Lisa clearly is not looking to skirt around the issues. First, Lisa tells Taylor to eat something — but who wouldn’t want to snag one of those adorable little pig cakes? And then Lisa confronts Taylor about not getting invited to the event. At this point, we’re glad that Lisa is upfront about the problem, but let’s face it — we can all see where this is heading, and it ain’t pretty. Buckle your seatbelts, folks.
Taylor says she didn’t want Lisa there because Lisa often starts conversations with Taylor by saying that she’s not her friend, which Lisa claims that she didn’t really say. Lisa says that her offer to Taylor to move into her home proves that she’s been friendly, although Lisa says the offer is now rescinded. (Uh, can you imagine these two under the same roof? Shudder.)
Taylor then makes a point of saying that she only came to Lisa’s tea party because she was invited (although, if it were us, we would have come for the pig cakes). And then when Lisa tries to say something, Taylor tells Lisa that she always cuts her off, and that Lisa does the same thing to Camille. Of course, the look on Camille’s face was saying, “Don’t drag me into this, girl!”
Taylor continues playing the victim card pretty heavily, saying that she has “bent over backwards” to be Lisa’s friend (we’re not exactly sure what she’s referring to here, but okay), and then brings up Lisa supposedly saying that she has about as many friends as Napoleon Dynamite does. (In case you don't remember the movie, Napoleon Dynamite was not what you'd call a social butterfly.)
At this point, Taylor then reaches out to the ladies, and Kyle confirms that Lisa said that Camille never hangs out with Taylor. Camille says that she has only hung out with Taylor once since the divorce, but we’re still not sure why Lisa felt the need to point this out to begin with.
And Taylor isn’t even close to done. She uses catchphrase-type lines that seem rehearsed, like telling Lisa to “back away from the fire,” and she says she has kissed Lisa’s ass to make her like her. Taylor also says that the other women are afraid to confront Lisa.
When Adrienne intervenes and points out that Lisa saying that she’s not Taylor’s friend doesn’t help things, Lisa still won’t admit havingsaid that, but she still is the bigger person and apologizes. But then Taylor continues, saying Lisa is too sarcastic and that her friends talk about her outsized ego behind her back, which Kyle agrees with. E tu, Kyle?
However, what is Taylor’s devastating blow to prove that Lisa’s ego is Kanye-sized? Uh, it’s that Lisa’s screensaver is of herself with her Giggy. Wait, hold up — that’s Lisa’s big crime? Putting up a photo of herself and her dog? Who doesn’t post pictures like that?
At this point, Taylor storms out, and she happens to be approaching the gate just as Paul is trying to get in. (And we wanted to yell to Paul, “No, Paul! Turn around before you enter the Tea Party of Doom! Save yourself before it’s too late!”) And so Paul, too, gets an earful about how no one else had the courage to stand up to The Evil One. This in turn gives the ladies time to talk about Taylor’s marriage; Camille wonders why Taylor is about to leave Russell one minute, and going on G4 rides the next.
Finally, Taylor heads back into the house, where the ladies have now decided to stage something of an “intervention” (as Camille puts it) concerning Taylor's marriage. Taylor tries to turn things back on Lisa, but the ladies won’t relent. Camille begins to list off the ways that Russell has physically abused her, which they had been forced to keep secret until now. Talk about heavy.
We didn’t think anything could ever top the drama of Camille’s dinner party from last year, but tonight came close. We agree it’s unfortunate that Lisa has made those comments about not being close to Taylor, because Lisa really does seem to care for Taylor, but let’s face it — those comments are just what Lisa does. She diffuses situations with subtle-but-biting jabs, but you just can't take it too seriously. And clearly, the much bigger problem for Taylor is her home life, which she seems to trying to be deflecting attention from by focusing on Lisa.