As to be expected, it was certainly an emotional night on tonight's season premiere of Real Housewives of Beverly Hills. In other words, you know it's a tough night when a dog and his owner share the same drinking glass, and that isn't the most troubling moment of the night.
Indeed, the Season 2 premiere episode, entitled "Back to Beverly Hills," begins with a flash-forward, as the women (minus Taylor Armstrong) meet up in the end of August to discuss Russell's tragic suicide. The ladies wonder if the financial pressure got to him, and Kyle Richards admits to feeling guilt about not being aware of his stress. As for Lisa Vanderpump? Well, let's just chalk up Lisa's conspicuous lack of grief to some type of British reserve, shall we?
We then proceed with the bulk of the episode; a message appears on the screen informing viewers that the footage was filmed pre-suicide. Lisa takes her daughter out for a day of primping at a salon, where Lisa mentions that Pandora wants to make her hair taller. (This might be the first person ever to apparently view Marge Simpson as a style icon.) Meanwhile, Pandora's boyfriend Jason takes the opportunity to ask Ken for Pandora's hand in marriage, and Ken claims to be ecstatic, even though it's a little hard to tell. Clearly, Ken is not the "jump up and down on Oprah's couch when you're happy" kind of guy.
Kyle and Mauricio are in the process of moving with their kids into an even bigger house, since they ran out of space in their last place. See, Kyle? This is what happens when you decide to have more kids than the dad from The Sound of Music. (Then again, Kyle and her family seem pretty blasé about the move, as if they'd decided to buy a large pizza instead of a medium.) Kyle also gives sister Kim Richards a call, but Kim has her daughter answer the phone for her. Apparently, Kim and Kyle are about as friendly these days as Obama and Boehner.
Camille Grammer is busy sorting through her personal belongings that have been unceremoniously shipped to her by Kelsey, whom Camille mainly referred to throughout the episode as her "ex," as if none of us have heard of this person. (Maybe she's atoning for her behavior prior to the divorce last season, when she said his name approximately a gajillion times. We counted.) We see Camille next to a mountain of shoes so tall that you would need a Sherpa to reach its summit. (Seriously, there aren't even that many pairs of shoes in the average Foot Locker store.)
Camille mentions that she and Kelsey never speak, but that she wishes the best for Kelsey and his new girlfriend. (Okay, we'll pretend that she said that last part.) She also mentions that she plans to find a smaller home as well. She's like, "I'm really not a materialistic person. By the way, have you met my pet horse?"
Adrienne Maloof and Paul Nassif decide to throw a dinner party to celebrate Camille's appearance on the sitcom S#!t My Dad Says. (You don't remember the short-lived show that was canceled in its first season? Don't blame your memory — most cartons of milk last longer than that show did.) Paul and Adrienne prepare for the party, and they bicker about just about everything that two people could possibly bicker about. Plus, we learn that their chef, Bernie, apparently dislikes Lisa as much as most chefs hate margarine. Clearly, that is one household that needs to take a chill pill.
It's party time, and the women arrive at Adrienne's. Camille explains that she and Kyle have patched things up, and even Kim attends the party, although she (wisely) turns down a glass of champagne that costs about as much as our car. And the party starts out light-heartedly enough, with Paul and Adrienne introducing everyone to their new, leather jacket-wearing dog (which is not a sentence that we ever thought we'd say). But then Paul and Adrienne fight over who should give the champagne toast after dinner (a.k.a., "rich white-people problems").
Tensions quickly escalate when the topic turns to Russell and Taylor's marriage counseling, which Taylor encouraged Russell to try in order to save their relationship. Ken implies that marriage counseling is for the weak (and this is coming from a man who couldn't possibly be more whipped by his own wife). But was Taylor really expecting sound marital advice from this group? Who was she going to ask next for relationship advice — Bill Clinton?
Taylor gets upset and flees the table, with Kyle rushing to talk it over with her in the bathroom. Lisa then hilariously tries to use the bathroom while they're in there (talk about sympathetic!) and scoffs at Taylor's complaints, calling Taylor "manipulative."
With everyone now at each other's throats, Lisa and Ken decide to sneak out of there like Tim Robbins at the end of The Shawshank Redemption. So Lisa tells everyone that she has to go because she needs to pick someone up from the airport, which probably wins an award for "World's Most Obvious Lie." Like, are we really supposed to believe that Lisa actually knows anyone who doesn't take a limo to and from the airport? We think not. Perhaps Lisa is just in desperate need of some duty-free goods? (Meanwhile, Camille is like, "My ex and I never flew commercial.")
So the premiere episode provided a hint of tragedy (which is something new for this show), along with people constantly flaunting their wealth and arguing about things that aren't worth arguing about (neither of which are new at all for this show). Now, if you'll excuse us, we need to run to the airport. Don't take it personally or anything.