Credit: Alberto E. Rodriguez/Getty Images Photo: The Real Housewives of Beverly Hills Bring the Glam to the Premiere Party on October 11, 2010

Wow! We have three words to describe what happened tonight: Craziest. Episode. Ever. (We know — you thought the three words were going to be: “Allison’s a bitch.”) Camille threw a dinner party that was awkward enough to have been painted by Leonardo da Vinci.

Camille seemed to want to put the past behind her when she invites all the ladies over to her place for dinner. Of course, she really has to work hard to convince everyone that the party will be fun. We see Camille telling Taylor that there will be pizza at the party, which is a little like saying that hell isn’t bad because at least there’s never a draft.

The first warning signs of trouble ahead are that there will be a few new guests at the party. Kyle already had plans with her friend Faye Resnick, so she brings her along. Meanwhile, Camille has included her friend Allison DuBois, and we’re informed (maybe a zillion times) that she was the inspiration for Patricia Arquette’s character on Medium. All we can say is, we have newfound respect for how likable Patricia was able to make that character.

Everyone starts to arrive, throwing back what can only be described as heroic amounts of alcohol. So far, however, the party seems to actually be fun, as everyone is trying to be civil. Unfortunately, what started out promising quickly becomes a disaster (sort of like the career of the band Third Eye Blind).

It’s hard to pinpoint exactly what caused the party to go horribly wrong. Among the first signs of tension was Camille announcing to the entire party that Faye had posed in Playboy. Of course, Camille mocking someone for appearing in Playboy is a little like Rob Schneider telling David Spade that he’s not very funny. (Glass houses, people.)

The next escalation of conflict involves Allison, who is puffing away on her electronic cigarette so much that even Slash would consider warning her that smoking kills. The women try to goad Allison into doing a reading about one of them, so she tells Kyle that her husband doesn't care about her. Yikes. That’s not exactly like predicting who’s going to win the Lakers game or anything.

From that point on, everyone started attacking everyone else: Camille accuses Faye of just coming to the party to fight Kyle’s battles, Kim and Taylor start fighting about who was talking about Camille at the airport, and Kyle does an impression of Camille’s hand gestures that is surprisingly spot-on. (Our opinion? Advantage: Kyle.)

Of course, pretty much everyone was a loser here tonight (which is coincidentally the same thing that we would say at Comic-Con). By far, the most aggressive was Allison, who directed plenty of spleen at just about everyone, but especially Faye and Kyle. In fact, once Taylor stood up to mercifully bring the cattiness to a close, Allison had even more choice comments for Kyle, including wanting to shove a cigarette where the sun don't shine. Classy.

As we said at the beginning: Wow. If we’ve learned one thing from this episode, it’s that we realize our life isn’t quite as bad as it could be. And if we’ve learned two things from the episode, it’s that no pizza in the world is good enough to make us accept an invitation to have dinner at Camille’s place. We never thought we’d say this, but pizza isn’t that good.

Credit: Bravo Photo: Taylor and Kim Fight Over Kyle and Allison DuBois' Fight in Season 1, Episode 9: "The Dinner Party From Hell"