Oh, Slade. This Real Housewives Of Orange County stallion just won't quit. In his long, studly life, Slade has hopped from one failed relationship to another, always checking back in with his home girls in the OC along the way. Slade is currently shacked up with Real Housewife Gretchen Rossi, but his relationship rap-sheet is even longer than her legs.
Slade loves himself some eligible bachelorettes, and we've rounded up a timeline of his relationships for you to enjoy over a bucket of Cheetos and a mani-pedi. By the way, now's the time to pop in your copy of Gretchen's single, "Revelation."
Note: Keep in mind that Slade's a man of mystery, so the dates of these hookups are approximate.
1. Rose Smiley (sometime in the ‘80s)
This lucky lady is Slade's first wife and mother of his son, Gavin. Both Rose and Gavin stay out of the lime-light — probably because they're too busy tumbling down a shame spiral — but last time we check in with Gavin (2007) he was hard at work on his MySpace music career. Now, Gavin is engaged to his adorable fiancée, Kenna, and apparently they get along great with Slade!
2. Michelle Arroyo (circa 2002)
Michelle and Slade dated back in the early 2000s, when butterfly clips and frosted tips ruled the world. But then Michelle gave birth to Grayson and everything went downhill between her and Slade. Grayson was tragically diagnosed with brain cancer when he was just a little boy, and Michelle claims that Slade hasn't fronted any child support bills since 2005. Not to take sides, but — really, Smiley?
3. Marcie McPherson (2007-2008)
The Food Network's Marcie McPherson and Slade reportedly dated from November 2007 to February 2008. You might know Marcie from her show This Girl Cooks, but nowadays she runs private culinary classes. Maybe she can teach Gretchen a few lessons?
4. Jo De La Rosa (engaged 2008)
Super fans probably remember Jo and her "music career" from the first two seasons of The Real Housewives Of Orange County. Jo introduced us to the wonderful world of all things Smiley, but sadly their relationship crashed and burned after they got engaged. We blame their short-lived Bravo show "Date My Ex." Honestly, we don't know why more people didn't watch that. It was amazing.
5. Lauri Waring Peterson (random hookup circa 2008-ish)
Slade hooked up with Jo De La Rosa's Real Housewives castmate while he and Jo were "on a break," which is giving us serious Ross and Rachel flashbacks. After Slade and Lauri's hookup, Jo wanted to get back together, but Slade had other ladies on his mind. Dun dun dun!
6. Janice Kakish (random hookup circa 2008-ish)
D-list model/actress, Janice Kakish, was one of Slade's many rebounds after his failed engagement to Jo De La Rosa. Little is known about their mysterious lip locks, but we assume they were NSFW, which is probably why pictures of them never made it to the tabloids!
6. Gelusa Zaripova (2008)
The ladies just can't resist Smiley and his Tour de France thighs, which is why he attracted the attention of model/actress Gelusa Zaripova. In an interview with Bravo back in 2008, Slade couldn't stop gushing about Gelusa, but sadly their relationship fizzled out thanks to Gretchen "Friend to Old Folks" Rossi.
7. Gretchen Rossi (2009-present)
Slade and The Real Housewives' Gretchen Rossi were friends for seven years before they started dating, and apparently they were introduced by Slade's ex-fiancée, Jo. Awkward! Slade and Gretch are more in love than ever despite the disapproval of their co-stars, and we expect him to be her house hubby for many happy years to come.
8. Random Hookups
If we've learned one thing from digging into the endless depths of Slade's dating life, it's that he loves himself a random hookup.... Which brings us to Eva LaRue and Cassandra Hepburn. We don't know much about these ladies, but all that matters is that Slade filled up their love tanks. A true gift.