By now, we’re pretty sure you’ve all read or heard about the Deranged Sorority Girl Email. If you haven’t, then we really have no idea what you’ve been doing!
Everyone from actor Michael Shannon to The Morning After host Alison Haislip has given their rendition of the viral piece — and now we can add Tamra Barney to that growing list!
Teaming up with BravoTV.com, the Real Housewives of Orange County star gave her personal take on the profane email, including a not-so-subtle jab at castmate Alexis Bellino.
Click the video below to watch Tamra’s LOL-worthy performance, but be warned, the language is not for the easily offended!
A full version of the Deranged Sorority Girl Email can be found below the video.
Full email (with author's name changed):
If you just opened this like I told you to, tie yourself down to whatever chair you're sitting in, because this email is going to be a rough f**king ride.
For those of you that have your heads stuck under rocks, which apparently is the majority of this chapter, we have been F**KING UP in terms of night time events and general social interactions with Sigma Nu. I've been getting texts on texts about people LITERALLY being so f**king AWKWARD and so f**king BORING. If you're reading this right now and saying to yourself "But oh em gee Julia, I've been having so much fun with my sisters this week!", then punch yourself in the face right now so that I don't have to f**king find you on campus to do it myself.
I do not give a flying f**k, and Sigma Nu does not give a flying f**k, about how much you f**king love to talk to your sisters. You have 361 days out of the f**king year to talk to sisters, and this week is NOT, I f**king repeat NOT ONE OF THEM. This week is about fostering relationships in the greek community, and that's not f**king possible if you're going to stand around and talk to each other and not our matchup. Newsflash you stupid c**ks: FRATS DON'T LIKE BORING SORORITIES. Oh wait, DOUBLE F**KING NEWSFLASH: SIGMA NU IS NOT GOING TO WANT TO HANG OUT WITH US IF WE F**KING SUCK, which by the way in case you're an idiot and need it spelled out for you, WE F**KING SUCK SO FAR. This also applies to you little s**ts that have talked openly about post gaming at a different frat IN FRONT OF SIGMA NU BROTHERS. Are you people f**king retarded? That's not a rhetorical question, I LITERALLY want you to email me back telling me if you're mentally slow so I can make sure you don't go to anymore night time events. If Sigma Nu openly said "Yeah we're gonna invite Zeta over", would you be happy? WOULD YOU? No you wouldn't, so WHY THE F**K WOULD YOU DO IT TO THEM?? IN FRONT OF THEM?!! First of all, you SHOULDN'T be post gaming at other frats, I don't give a F**K if your boyfriend is in it, if your brother is in it, or if your entire family is in that frat. YOU DON'T GO. YOU. DON'T. GO. And you ESPECIALLY do f**king NOT convince other girls to leave with you.
"But Julia!", you say in a whiny little bitch voice to your computer screen as you read this email, "I've been cheering on our teams at all the sports, doesn't that count for something?" NO YOU STUPID F**KING A** HATS, IT F**KING DOESN'T. DO YOU WANNA KNOW F**KING WHY?!! IT DOESN'T COUNT BECAUSE YOU'VE BEEN F**KING UP AT SOBER F**KING EVENTS TOO. I've not only gotten texts about people being f**king WEIRD at sports (for example, being stupid s**ts and saying stuff like "durr what's kickball?" is not f**king funny), but I've gotten texts about people actually cheering for the opposing team. The opposing. F**king. Team. ARE YOU F**KING STUPID?!! I don't give a S**T about sportsmanship, YOU CHEER FOR OUR GODDAMN TEAM AND NOT THE OTHER ONE, HAVE YOU NEVER BEEN TO A SPORTS GAME? ARE YOU F**KING BLIND? Or are you just so f**king dense about what it means to make people like you that you think being a good little supporter of the greek community is going to make our matchup happy? Well it's time someone told you, NO ONE F**KING LIKES THAT, ESPECIALLY OUR F**KING MATCHUP. I will f**king c**t punt the next person I hear about doing something like that, and I don't give a f**k if you SOR me, I WILL F**KING ASSAULT YOU.
"Ohhh Julia, I'm now crying because your email has made me oh so so sad". Well good. If this email applies to you in any way, meaning if you are a little a**wipe that stands in the corners at night or if you're a weird s**t that does weird s**t during the day, this following message is for you:
DO NOT GO TO TONIGHT'S EVENT.
I'm not f**king kidding. Don't go. Seriously, if you have done ANYTHING I've mentioned in this email and have some rare disease where you're unable to NOT do these things, then you are HORRIBLE, I repeat, HORRIBLE PR FOR THIS CHAPTER. I would rather have 40 girls that are fun, talk to boys, and not f**king awkward than 80 that are f**king faggots. If you are one of the people that have told me "Oh nooo boo hoo I can't talk to boys I'm too sober", then I pity you because I don't know how you got this far in life, and with that in mind don't f**king show up unless you're going to stop being a goddamn c**k block for our chapter. Seriously. I swear to f**king God if I see anyone being a goddamn boner at tonight's event, I will tell you to leave even if you're sober. I'm not even kidding. Try me.
And for those of you who are offended at this email, I would apologize but I really don't give a f**k. Go f**k yourself.