Party at Vicki’s house! And she’s wearing fur. Alexis and Peggy are feuding, Gretchen patiently teaches Tamra how to eat oysters, and everyone has massive pink drinks with pink straws. It’s not entirely festive, however; Vicki, sitting at the head of the table, calls the dinner party “the before I have to sell my home party.” Less money, more problems.
Related: Everyone is on edge because “the new girl” is showing off a huge rock on her finger. Heather Dubrow is married to a plastic surgeon and they have lots of money, Adrienne Maloof-style. Heather clarifies that her huge diamond isn’t her engagement ring: “This is the ring he just gave me for the baby.” Hearing crickets, Heather continues, “After four [kids], it doesn’t all go back the same way, but that’s why I’m married to a plastic surgeon. It was like an investment in my future.”
Sidebar: Heather recounts how her husband, Terry, proposed. They were on a plane to Paris, and she was convinced he was going to propose in Paris but he got so nervous on the plane that he did it right there. Then she utters what is arguably the best quote uttered ever in Real Housewife history: “It wasn’t romantic; there were magazines.”
Dinner time! Vicki serves gumbo because she’s “dating a man from the South,” and makes it clear to everyone that she’s giving them a cultural experience. Tamra is totally confused by the gumbo, exclaiming, “Oh my god, is this Fritos?” Gretchen to the rescue! “Sometimes there are toasted tortilla strips on soup.” Mystery solved. Haven’t you ever been to Azteca, girl?
Other awesome moments during dinner: Heather tells Gretchen she’ll give up carbs once she has kids, to which Gretchen looks blankly aghast. Tamra comments on Gretchen’s recent lip job, and Vicki makes everyone wear bibs. Remember: This is a Cajun cultural experience.
Alexis and Gretchen leave the party together, at which point Tamra tries to play peace maker and force a heart-to-heart. Alexis admirably tells Peggy she doesn’t want to talk about their feelings after they’ve been drinking and after five months of not talking about their feelings (valid point), so Peggy nestles into Vicki’s couch and tells the rest of the gals about how she thinks Alexis is in a “toxic environment” in her relationship with Jim.
To recap: Alexis’ husband used to sleep with Peggy years ago, before he got together with Alexis, but never told her about it until five months ago, and now everything is awkward and dramatic. Also, Tamra says Jim has “a bad reputation for being horrible.” Peggy says she’s “done” with Alexis and explains to the camera that “this group” stresses her out and compounds her post-partum depression. Spoiler alert: Peggy leaves the show during the middle of this season.
Vacation time! Tamra and Eddie are heading to Catalina with Vicki and her boyfriend, Brooks. Vicki packs for the trip while talking to Brooks and literally starts to itemize his packing list. Sidebar: She’s wearing a tube top and pearls while packing.
Meanwhile, at Slade and Gretchen’s house, Gretchen is pouring herself a glass of wine in what looks like a massive crystal goblet. Slade comes in with takeout, kisses her, and Gretchen skillfully greets him mid-wine pouring. Gretchen starts to recap girls’ night for Slade, who tries to defend the Peggy/Jim situation. “I’m sure we all did crazy stuff 15 years ago,” he says. Gretchen jumps on this (that’s our girl!) and makes a jab at Slade’s long-ago thing with ex-girlfriend Jo in Season 1. Burn.
Gretchen also does a great impression of Heather, telling Slade how the new girl unnerves her with the way she compliments the girls. “She says ‘you’re so cute,’ like almost in a degrading way.” Slade then gets borderline slimey and says Heather’s just jealous of how hot Gretchen is. “That’s how 40-year-olds act when they’re around 30-year-olds.” Gretchen, meanwhile, just thinks it’s an attitude thing. “I don’t get along with pretentious girls.”
In Catalina, Tamra is out to see if Brooks is a good enough dude for Vicki. Apparently, Brooks gives Vicki cards every day. Then everyone drinks tequila and things get rapidly weird. Vicki and Eddie start to get handsy, touching each others’ faces. So Tamra forces Brooks to grope her, at which point Vicki tries to diffuse the situation. “How about those Cubs?!” Crickets. Tamra then chews Eddie out while Brooks does the same to Vicki as they march off the boat and into Catalina.
Tune in next week to see Vicki get super jealous about Gretchen and Tamra’s new BFFship, and find out why Slade suddenly has a major problem with Vicki (hint: it has to do with Brooks).