What’s a victim tampon? We’re still not sure, but that’s just one mystery from this week’s Vanderpump Rules Season 1, Episode 7, “In Love with Someone Else.” The one thing we do know is that the way Jax and Laura-Leigh break up is not exactly the best way to end things.
The episode begins with Jax and his ultra-healthy rebound girl, Laura-Leigh, taking a trip to the sauna, which gives new meaning to having a “hot date.” Laura informs him that they’re gonna have to sit in the sauna for about 45 minutes, which Jax is not thrilled about. However, Laura gets out quickly, realizing she shouldn’t have taken her Prozac so recently. Minor detail.
As they leave the sauna, Jax and Laura-Leigh discuss the fact that she’s six days sober, an important detail she neglected to inform him about. Laura-Leigh tells him that she feels great when she’s not drinking and isn’t worried about relapsing. Speaking of drinking, Jax clearly isn’t a big fan of coconut water. Duly noted.
Stassi meets up with Katie and drops the bombshell that she and Frank have split up. She admits that she jumped into things too quickly with Frank and that she’s going to enjoy having some alone time for a bit. Frankly, we have our doubts that Stassi can stay single for too long, but seeing is believing. Prove us wrong, Stassi!
Stassi has a fashion column to write for Pandora’s website, so she goes to the place where anybody would could to get a lot of work done: to a rooftop pool with friends while drinking tequila. Kristen arrives to talk about how she got free shots, at which point Stassi tells us that Kristen is a “skank.” Feel the love.
Jax shows up at one of Laura-Leigh’s addiction meetings and listens in as she tells the group about how she started drinking when she was twelve and then started robbing from her family to support her meth habit.
So Jax does what any mature guy would do after hearing a girl pour her heart out in front of him: He tries to dump her on the spot. Jax explains that they’re moving too fast and he just got out of a relationship, at which point Laura-Leigh sits down on the curb and cries. Then, Jax tells her that he doesn’t want them to slow down the physical side of their relationship. Yes, he’s that classy.
Meanwhile, Stassi meets up with Lisa and Pandora at their home to discuss the fact that Stassi hasn’t been pulling her weight with the fashion website. She was supposed to hand in a column twice a week, but she hasn’t written one in two months! Talk about writer’s block.
Stassi breaks down in tears and pleads with Lisa and Pandora that this has just been a tough two-month period of time for her and that it won’t happen again. Lisa gives her a hug and offers her one more chance. We would probably have given Stassi the boot after two months of not handing in any writing, but Lisa is clearly more forgiving than we are!
Jax meets up with his bros to work out, and Jax admits that he was leading Laura-Leigh on and that he still has feelings for Stassi. Then, Jax’s buddy tells him to take it one day at a time, which is some very fortune cookie-esque advice.
Lisa is having a dinner party at SUR, and Stassi and Laura-Leigh have both arrived for work. The two girls go at it, with Laura-Leigh claiming that Jax chose her over Stassi, while Stassi says Jax texted her to say he still thinks about her. Ouch.
And if you thought this argument would remain respectful, you’d be wrong. Laura-Leigh calls Stassi “spoiled,” although Stassi apparently hears it as “spooled.” (Annunciation counts, people!) And our favorite quote of the night comes when Laura-Leigh tells Stassi to take the “victim tampon out of your ass.” That’s an image we certainly didn’t need.
Finally, Guillermo intervenes and tells Stassi she can leave, even though it’s going to be a busy Friday night. If Stassi was trying to prove to Lisa what a valuable asset she is, getting sent home is not a good way to prove it.
Lisa doesn’t want Scheana to work as a server at her private party because Brandi Glanville will be there. However, Peter has mistakenly told her to come into work, so Scheana is not pleased when she realizes she canceled an audition for no reason. She ends up crying in the bathroom until Lisa has to coax her out. Then again, crying in the bathroom is a lot better than what Jax has been known to do with ladies in the bathroom.
Jax is visibly depressed during his shift, so he talks to Stassi and explains that he’s ended things with Laura-Leigh and wants to win Stassi back. Jax says he someday wants to propose to her, but Stassi says it’s going to take a while for him to make up for what he’s done. Our advice? It’s time for both of them to move on!
Finally, Laura-Leigh decides that she needs closure with Jax, so she
takes the high road starts insulting him while he preparing drinks for some customers. She tells his customers that he’s a “horrible human,” and then she goes off on him for having unprotected sex with her and for not giving her an explanation for why he was ending things.
Laura-Leigh also tells him that she’s stuck with him at SUR until she ends up as a star on the red carpet, and then he’ll regret what he’s done. In other words, that doo-wop song was right: Breaking up is hard to do.
And now we can't wait for next week's season finale, which is certain to be dramatic! In the meantime, we're still trying to figure out what a victim tampon is. Maybe it's better to not know.