It’s time to start metaphorical fires — by which we mean the sexy kind — and literal fires in tonight’s Real Housewives of Miami Season 3, Episode 8 recap. So throw on a wig, put a crystal in your sparkling water, and hang your underwear from the ceiling!
Cut the Fat
Joanna Krupa, Adriana De Moura, and their men meet to clear the air. The peacemaking sesh gets off to an inauspicious start when Adriana and Frederic are 51 minutes late (but who’s counting?). Luckily, the ladies don’t dwell on the past (read: the slap) too much in their convo, and both ultimately feel like they’re on the path to being friends. Hooray! But, uh, we won’t hold our breath.
Lisa Hochstein tends to newly lipo’d Lenny, while Marysol Patton and Alexia Echevarria prepare for Elsa to return home the way everyone prepares for company: With burned sage and holy water. What, you don’t regularly stock up on holy water? Then, Marysol tells Alexia she resents Lea Black for still not having called her mom since she went to the hospital.
Later, Marysol flips through photo albums of happier times with her dad, who has just come from bringing Elsa a chocolate shake. Marysol says that her mom and dad may be headed for a messy divorce, but to us, her dad seems to still love and care for her. By the way, a note to Marysol’s dad: We like chocolate shakes, too. Hint, hint.
New Meaning to the Word "Cockpit"
Alexia goes out with her mom and son Peter, who is still shaken after last week’s incident with the cabbie. Alexia’s mom tells her that Peter is having trouble with Frankie’s car accident, so Alexia takes Peter to a baseball diamond to address their past. She says she thought it was best to not tell Peter about his dad’s issues, and Peter understands and wants to move forward.
Things get steamy when Joanna and Romain see a sex therapist due to Romain’s resistance to sex. Romain says he gets too stressed to have sex, so the therapist says they need to schedule it, leading to some role-playing at a bar. Joanna is now “Natalia,” a Russian ballerina who loves spreading her legs, while Romain is a pilot who gets laid during flights. Way to be subtle, you two.
Joanna is quite tipsy as they leave the bar and head to their hotel room. There, she ties Romain up and strips down to some sexy negligee, at which point there’s some spanking. We’re sweating profusely just thinking about it. However, soon the two stop and say they aren’t feeling the role-playing, with Joanna putting a magazine over her face. Natalia would not be impressed.
Burn, Baby, Burn
Elsa arrives home, and Marysol tries to connect with her, but Elsa isn’t in a particularly cheery mood. Marysol gives her water with crystals soaking in it, but Elsa says it tastes like alka seltzer. Maybe Marysol should have tried just putting lemon in the water.
Finally, Marysol plans a bachelorette party for Adriana, with lingerie hanging from the ceiling (huh?), but it’s kind of a yawnfest. Then again, everything is more fun with fire, so Adriana lights her old wedding dress on fire that she got to marry Frederic four years ago. So a lot of things were on fire this week: The wedding dress, the sage, and Joanna’s loins.
Overall, it’s was a rather drama-free episode, which was a relief, as many of the women spent the episode making peace with people in their lives. We’re hoping that Adriana and Joanna can remain friendly, (translation: at least nobody got slapped tonight), but there were still signs of tension, especially when Adriana was so late.
And we’re proud of Romain for being so open about his sex life (or lack thereof) tonight. Here’s hoping he and Joanna can join the real-life mile-high club one day. And now we’re looking forward to next week, when Marysol and Lea hash things out. In the meantime, we could use a snack. Who wants to bring us a milkshake?