It’s time for the kind of shenanigans only The Real Housewives of New Jersey can dish out, so let's get down to it!
RV There Yet?
While the housewives made nice last week and put their best feet forward, this week’s episode was all about putting their feet in their mouth, or at least, it had us wishing they would.
Picking up the day after Jacqueline Laurita and Teresa Giudice’s tear filled sort of reunion, the two give a rundown of the conversation in their respective RVs, giving the rest of the group the chance to chime in with their educated opinion. Media savvy Melissa Gorga, who for once isn’t the object of Teresa’s frustration, gives her the wise advice that if she doesn’t have anything nice to say, she shouldn’t say it at all — something all of these women have failed to fully master.
Things in the other RV are not nearly as good natured. The Manzos pounce on poor Jacqueline’s hopeful uncertainty, and tell her that once a crazy media whore, always a crazy media whore. Teresa is just a toxic influence no matter what, and the rest of the group is more than ready to dump her.
But enough of the trash talk, it’s time to get schwasty. The group finally ditch their RVs, and settle into their gorgeous digs at the Lancaster Estate, and get to business. Well, sort of. For Chris Laurita, business means a meeting with a possible partner, Levendi Wines. For everyone else, it means drinking wine out of red solo cups and losing all sense of propriety. You can take the girls out of Jersey ...
Against his better judgment, Chris assents to the group outing, which turns out to be the worst idea since Teresa’s head doily. Joe Giudice takes the opportunity to mutter obscenities under his breath while Joe Gorga switches between bobbing for grapes, jumping on their landlord’s family heirlooms, and making thinly veiled sexual advances to his wife. Ah, a fine wine indeed.
Toasts and Roasts
Tensions are clearly high, because the group is finding anything to argue about, including the location of a KFC that may or not exist. But then, the Manzo kids jump in to smooth things over ,and surprise Caroline Manzo with a beautiful outdoor birthday dinner. With the wine and tears flowing, the group gives a number of very sweet toasts to the woman of the hour — including Joe Giudice — who valiantly tried to form a complete sentence in honor of mama Manzo.
But alas, Joe’s famous compassion couldn’t even last through the whole meal, as we see he steps away to take a call from “work.” Immediately, we can’t help but question the likelihood of that, given that his “work” is somewhere between vague and non existent.
The call has been hyped all season, and while we were hoping it was just Bravo’s creative production style, it was as bad as it seemed. Maybe worse.
Joe doesn’t talk about anything work related to someone who is clearly more than a co-worker, and instead ends up calling Teresa a string of not nice names. Her ears must have been burning, because she is hot on heels, asking about the call. Thinking fast, Joe starts speaking spanish, hoping to throw his wife off, but Teresa isn’t nearly as dim as she seems, because she knows something is amiss and pulls him aside to investigate further, or rather entice him into some vineyard playtime.
He seems less than interested, but after some begging, we are treated to a gratuitous key hole shot of Teresa’s legs straddling Joe, meaning … well, we don’t really want to think too much about that one.
Meanwhile, over in the land of the logical, the rest of the group look on at the couple like a car crash, knowing it’s a disaster, but unable to look away. Jacqueline suspects she’s trying to steal focus from Caroline, but it may just be a last ditch attempt to steal her husband’s focus — we’re not sure which one is sadder really.
The next day, Teresa has a middle school style gab fest with her new old BFF Jacqueline as she does her hair, rehashing her dessert tiff with Kathy Wakile, who, incidentally enough, is doing the exact same thing with Caroline. The latter discuss the former’s non-disclosure agreement, not understanding how Jacqueline can just turn a blind eye to whatever shady dealings Teresa has going on.
Jacqueline enters and defends her position, telling them that she just has to “know her boundaries” with Teresa, and if she can basically ignore her overall behavior and general demeanor, they can and will be the best of friends.
Kathy, meanwhile, doesn’t get why she isn’t a part of Teresa’s inner circle, even though, she’s, like, related to her. Hoping to strengthen the family ties, Jacqueline suggests that she sit next to her at lunch in the cafeteria, oops, dinner in the vineyard.
It’s the final evening and they have to finish all the wine, so everyone’s feeling charitable. Teresa raises her glass to toast her hosts, Caroline’s 50th, and Ka- … oh wait, nope. Cousin Kathy gets no shoutout, and the whole table awkwardly clinks glasses to the clearly passive aggressive toast, except Caroline whose wheels are turning, and ears are fuming at the obvious snub.
Uh oh, we know how those roundtable dinners with the Jersey girls go, so we can’t wait to see how this one turns out!