It’s time for the kind of shenanigans only The Real Housewives of New Jersey can dish out, so let's get down to it!
In anticipation of her meeting with some big-time music producer, Melissa Gorga is pondering weighty decisions: fun, leopard heels or dressier, fancy heels? Just as she opts to stay true to who she is (leopard), she gets a call from Kim "D," who wants to apologize to her for their recent blowout and invite her to the Posche Fashion Show. Several eye-rolls later, Melissa agrees to think about it, even though we know she's obviously going to go.
Over at the Giudice's, Teresa is attempting to teach her girls Italian, which turns into Gia teaching her a lesson on teaching. Milania runs around screaming "You're not the boss of me!" while Joe shows off his language skills with his extensive vocabulary (san-weech).
Kim "D" arrives to put out the Posche invite, which Teresa happily accepts, as she loves the fashion show. It's always such a great time, she reminisces, as Bravo plays a quick montage of past years that include Teresa getting escorted out by bouncers and countless catfights. We're certainly looking forward to it.
Across town, Caroline Manzo goes to brunch at Albie's apartment where Lindsey tries to impress her by frying up some mortadella. Good luck with that, honey. Later, Caroline celebrates with her daughter Lauren when they turn the key to the space for their new store, Caface. Worst name ever.
Elsewhere in Jersey, Kathy Wakile has a meeting with Bindi about her potential dessert company. First business mistake: bringing her husband along. When she boasts that she made 700 pieces for some event and they all went, Richie points out that they were free, after all. Then, when Kathy sings the praises of the dessert course in general, calling it a happy ending, Richie begs to differ on the definition of a happy ending. In case we missed it at home, he clarifies that his favorite dessert is Kathy, which would almost be kinda sweet, if he didn't go on to explain that she tastes like fish. Seriously, is he in seventh grade?
Back to the fashion show, it seems that Kim "D" has managed to get all five ladies on board, including Caroline, who doesn't even mind if she's at the same table as Teresa. Oh, please, let them be at the same table.
Things aren't exactly bee-eff-effy between Teresa and Jacqueline Laurita either. Yes, they tearfully hugged it out back in the RV in California, but Jacqueline's reminded us several times now that they really haven't spoken since returning to the East Coast. Teresa invites both her and Melissa to a playdate at her house, during which Jacqueline rides a horse swing with her son across the yard from everyone else, staring down Teresa. Frankly, it's kinda creepy.
Later Jac Skypes with her daughter Ashley(ee?) who's doing pretty well for herself out in California on her own. Well, aside from when she almost blew up her building by leaving the gas stove on for three days. Like, how is she supposed to know that it's on when there is no flame? Sure, it's smelly and "hazy," but that could be from anything! Jacqueline is more concerned about her daughter's new tattoo, Veni, vidi, vici written across the top of her back. That means "I came, I saw, I conquered." Well, two out of three ain't bad.
Closing out the episode, it's the day of the fashion show and Teresa accompanies Kim "D" to get her makeup done, where she finds out that Melissa used to be a — wait for it — gentleman's club employee. A dancer. A stripper, people! Angelo, the "bald canary," explains that he knows Melissa because she used to work for him. Teresa immediately voices that she feels uncomfortable talking about her family and requests that no one else talk about her family either. Kim "D" grins from ear to ear, and proceeds to ask a million questions about the details of Melissa's stripper past.
Amazingly, later that night, all five Jersey Housewives plus Lauren sit together at the show without incident ... until Angelo approaches the table to talk to Melissa. "You remember me, right?" he asks. Melissa makes small talk with him, then plays the "I know him, but I can't place him" card to the other women before "To Be Continued ..." appears at the bottom of our screens. Ugh!
Next week, in the season finale, the you-know-what hits the fan.