It's time for our weekly dose of insanity — here's what went down on Season 4, Episode 2 of The Real Housewives of New Jersey. Let's do this!
What Happens in Vegas, Stays in Vegas ... Just Gotta Get to Vegas First
After failing to get through to her out-of-control party-girl daughter Ashlee, Jacqueline Laurita finally does what any parent would do in this situation: Send her to Vegas, of course. Isn't Sin City an ideal place to get your teenager back on track?
Ash’s pretty freaked out about flying (she didn't know planes could crash until she saw Cast Away). She wishes she were 21, so she could get a drink at the airport ... or at least get her hands on a straw and bottle of Nyquil.
Surprise, surprise, Ashlee misses her flight. Based on her Tweets, she was delayed due to a hunt for Dunkin Donuts ... either that or Tweeting. That night she's back at home, much to her parents' dismay. The next morning, Chris himself drives his Xanaxed-out daughter to the airport and walks her to the gate. He tries to relax her by giving her a rundown on what to do in case the plane is crashing. Back at the house, Jacqueline digs up old photos of her little girl and bursts into tears.
Size 4 or Bust
Meanwhile, Caroline Manzo's got daughter problems of her own. Her girl Lauren isn't rail-thin and, unfortunately, it's not due to a stomach tumor. She's tried everything to lose the extra pounds to no avail — well, except giving up the bread, sausage, and cheese, but come on, she's Italian! But now she'll have to skip the Sunday pasta because her new nutritionist is putting her on a diet of mystery yellow liquid (did he say pasteurized egg whites or pig waste?). Lauren's confident the diet will work because it's the closest thing to being anorexic. Sounds healthy!
Pols Are So the New Jocks
Across town, the Wakiles are super proud of their son, Joey, for being voted sophomore class president. Rich gives him a speech about how he expects him to go to college one day and have so much more than he had, and even more for his grandchildren. Either that or they can go into the gas station business together. Yeah, that's glamorous and noble.
Oh, and it appears that being part of the school government these days makes you a bit of a stud. When Kathy Wakile's going through her son's email, she discovers that a girl sent him naked pics of herself. Go, Joey! Kathy responds to the young lady, wondering if she can find something better to do with her time, to which the girl writes back, LOL, she just thinks her son is really attractive. Rich hopes the teen will "hold that thought" until Joey is old enough to truly enjoy sexting. Fantastic parenting all around.
The Ballad of Joe
Over at the Gorga's, Melissa Gorga surprises her husband with a romantic dinner and a special gift. Joe's hoping for a fourth baby, but he'll be satisfied as long as it ends with a bang where he can release his poison. Melissa's like, please stop talking about your poison before revealing that she has recorded a sentimental ballad for him. As she plays it for him, Joe gets teary with goose bumps and we have to admit the whole thing is pretty adorable. He scoops up his wife and carries her up to their poison chamber after all.
Full House and a Pair
Jacqueline hosts a poker game at her home with the whole gang. Teresa Giudice and Joe are last to arrive, which gives everyone a little time to talk about them before they get there. Kathy thinks Melissa is trying to control her anger over Teresa's golddigger comments, but that eventually the storm is going to hit.
Although Teresa starts off the evening by attempting an apology to anyone who was offended by her all-in-fun cookbook jabs, in a matter of moments, the scene turns awkward. The women are all clearly pissed off at Teresa, but it's the men who let things get stupid during their poker game.
Apparently, during some contest of who's taller, Joe Giudice went to grab Rich's cajones (which he likened to pebbles), which turned into a bit of a wrestling match, and resulted in Joe getting a black eye and a bloody nose from a candlestick holder. Two questions: Why was Joe grabbing for Rich's jewels and, more importantly, why didn't Bravo catch any of this on camera for our viewing pleasure? Because that right there ... that's entertainment, people.