It's time for our weekly dose of insanity — here's what went down on Season 4, Episode 4 of The Real Housewives of New Jersey. Let's do this!
The Solstice Party Aftermath
After last week's massive blowout between Teresa Giudice and Melissa Gorga, it's safe to say that almost everyone is Team Melissa ... except Caroline Manzo's hubby who wants to be Switzerland. Silly Albert, this is Jersey ... neutrality is not an option.
To be fair, Kathy Wakile isn't ready to completely abandon Teresa yet and plans on inviting her to her kids' end-of-the-school-year party — after all, she is family. Respectfully disagreeing, her husband Rich compares Teresa to a cancerous arm that needs to be chopped off. Wow.
Meanwhile, Teresa and Melissa themselves are recounting the events of the evening to their respective Joes. Both husbands side with their wives, of course, with Giudice calling Melissa a tramp that's hooked up with mad dudes and Gorga saying his sister is like a football.
Then, Joe Giudice starts referring to his brother-in-law as a bitch who should go by Josephine, all this while he sits in some sort of torture device forcing him to be in a gymnast-like side split. He assures Teresa that she doesn't need any of them, not boring Caroline, butchy-boy Rosie, or frog-faced cousin Kathy.
As far as Jacqueline Laurita goes, she's annoyed that Teresa put her in a weird spot, but not annoyed enough to end a friendship over it, and Teresa basically can't afford to lose the only ally she has left. And so they work out together.
In Happier Unions ...
To celebrate their 27 years of marriage, Albert gets Caroline a small gift of appreciation — an $80,000+ Jaguar. Someone's getting lucky tonight.
The couple spend the evening back in their first apartment together, which they kept for privacy. We're then treated to a little old-timey photos montage of their early years together, which we must admit is pretty freaking adorable.
Brothers and Sisters
Back at the Wakile household, Kathy is disappointed over the poor turnout at her kids' end-of-the-school-year party. Really, Rich told his children to keep the guest lists short since Kathy insisted on inviting Teresa and he didn't want his kids' friends to know that they are associated with her. Yeah, because none of them watch the show on TV.
Neither Caroline nor Jacqueline can make the party either, but luckily for Bravo and ratings, the Giudices and the Gorgas are both on their way. Actually, Joe Giudice skips the drama, but this entertainment is of the sibling variety.
Though Joe Gorga and Teresa ignore each other at first, finally Joe calls his sister over to have a heart-to-heart. He starts off by telling her he doesn't want to argue, which makes Teresa burst into tears. She explains that she just wants him to be happy with his family, so she's not going to ever tell him anything ever again.
Except she tells him lots of things. Like he's not the same person he once was and that he's the meanest brother ever. He corrects her by saying that he's an angel from God and that she's lost in life.
To be honest, we're lost in this conversation. We can't even figure out what they are arguing about exactly, but things escalate quickly and end with Joey calling Teresa a bitch and Teresa wrangling up her kids and storming out.
Rich thinks they need to go to therapy. Melissa thinks that brothers and sisters not getting along like this is totally normal. Um, maybe when they're 12?