We know what you're thinking: How can we possibly pick only five WTF moments for any given Housewives eppy? Admittedly, this is one challenging task, but we managed to narrow it down.
Read on for our WTF picks for The Real Housewives of New Jersey Season 4, Episode 5, "Spoiled Sports."
5. Melissa's Lack of Pants
For the second time this season (see Summer Solstice Party), Melissa Gorga showed up at an event without any pants on. OK, we get it, you have beautiful, tanned, long legs. But butt cheeks have no place at a family event.
4. Caroline Manzo Dissing Her Daughter
We're so over Caroline Manzo pitying Lauren for being so fat. First of all, she's really not that fat! Second, if you really want to help your daughter build up her self-esteem, maybe you should refrain from sharing with America that Lauren is just Albert in a dress.
3. Joe Giudice: "I swear on my tits!"
When Teresa Giudice tells her husband about her blowout with her brother Joey at Kathy Wakile's party, Joe Giudice totally loses it! Not only does he ban Joey from his house, he also threatens to kick Teresa's parents to the curb if they give him any lip.
What's more, if Teresa brings up her family one more time, he'll leave her, too — he swears on his tits! Wow. Of course, he is a Gemini, so it's all good.
2. Do Tampons Count?
This week we found out that Teresa didn't start wearing tampons until after she got married — and expects the same from her girls — because apparently there's not a lot of difference between a plastic applicator and a penis. Don't even get her started on certain thermometers.
1. "Who Reads a Book?!"
When a hormonal little Gia has a meltdown over her Tio Joe cheating during Field Day (which probably had less to do with the three-legged race and more to do with the realization that she just went through the mortifying experience of buying her first bra on national TV), Jacqueline Laurita reads her a book about being a bad sport, clearly meant for a 4-year-old. Seriously?