Finally, the Heather vs. Ramona drama starts to get good. In this week’s episode of The Real Housewives of New York Season 5, Episode 4: “Diss-Invite,” Ramona is hearing that every other cast member on the show is getting invited on Heather’s little girls’ weekend except her and, naturally, she is pissed. Not because she likes Heather and thought that they were friends but because she doesn’t want to be left out of a Housewives trip.
Ramona meets with the Skinny Girl Squad (Carole and Aviva) to have lunch and discuss her Heather problems. To her credit, Ramona does not try to get the girls on her side when it comes to her conflict with Heather (something which outraged Ramona about her fight earlier this season with LuAnn). Instead, Ramona only brings up all her issues with Heather once Carole mentions that Heather “talks a lot.” Ramona being Ramona, her eyes twitch into attention, her finger comes out, and she jumps on Carole’s small comment. “What did you say?! What did you say?!” Ramona actually has Carole enunciate every single word of what she said because, to Ramona, this allows her to open the floodgates on her Heather issues.
As it turns out, she isn’t the only one with problems with Heather. Carole and Aviva admitted that they were taken aback when Heather had her assistant respond to an email invite for lunch. As Aviva points out, not even Angelina Jolie (another dangerously thin woman) would have her assistant respond to a non-business lunch invite. In short, they thought it was rude, and on a show where women regularly get into shouting matches in public places and resort to name-calling, that really means something.
However, just because the girls don’t really like some of Heather’s actions that doesn’t mean they are on Team Ramona just yet. During the same lunch, Carole calls Ramona “bossypants,” which is just so adorably Carole, isn’t it? And Aviva makes digs are Ramona for giving the women gift bags full of her True Renewal face cream. So, don’t really call sides just yet.
Meanwhile, Sonja and LuAnn meet for a “secret” pre-dinner round of oysters at what Sonja declares a very exclusive restaurant. (Nothing says “exclusivity” like “featured on Real Housewives.”) LuAnn, in her LuAnn way, tries to pick away at Sonja’s close friendship to Ramona, telling her, with a concerned tone, that she wants to be there for Sonja is Ramona is beating up on her. However, Sonja elegantly blows off any hint of conflict, instead shifting the conversation towards teasing LuAnn’s “Countess” title. The exchange was pretty uneventful except that we did learn that LuAnn’s prefers to be called “Lu.” Lu! Henceforth she shall be named Countess Lu.
But, let’s get back to the Heather-Ramona conflict. LuAnn invites Heather to an art opening which gives newbie Heather the chance to finally invite LuAnn to the London trip. Lu, who can’t turn down a good free trip, accepts on the spot, but asks if Ramona is coming. Heather reveals that she hasn’t invited Ramona because the two don’t “groove” together and you see a flash of … something across Lu’s face. Since she’s been on this show for five seasons, she probably didn’t realize that you could, like, choose to not interact with people you don’t particularly like. Everything is producer-organize trips, producer-organize lunches, producer-organized drinks. If you want camera time you have to interact with people you don’t like. Heather is a fresh breath of freedom to Lu, who celebrates by proclaiming Heather “gangster chic.” We smell a new song coming!
But oh, the drama is not done. Ramona meets with Heather for drinks in the hopes of scoring an invite for that London trip. You could practically see every bone in her body begging to be invited. London! London! London! But Heather isn’t biting, and she still doesn’t really care for Ramona and her brand of zaniness.
This is the main issue with Heather and Ramona. While the established Housewife is making all the typical, Housewife-y attempts at offering an olive branch (offers to meet for drinks, inviting to events) Heather just isn’t that interested. Ramona expects people to accept her for who she is which is a zany, Pinot-drinking businesswoman, but someone who is in no way ill-intentioned. The other Housewives (even LuAnn) know this and in some cases begrudgingly accept that she will at least be somehow involved in their camera time. Heather, perhaps because she is new to the game of perhaps because she is, per Lu, a “gangster,” doesn’t feel like she needs to accept Ramona so willingly into her life. Heather doesn’t like Ramona, she doesn’t like the zaniness, the Pinot-drinking, the weird rants and non sequiturs. And, because of this, she doesn’t want to hang out with Ramona any more than the producers mandate that she should.
It’s a tricky situation since we can really see both sides. Ramona shouldn’t have to act like anyone other than herself to impress someone, especially when she, unlike some previous Housewives, doesn’t try to destroy the people she doesn’t like or tear them down somehow. Ramona is Ramona and she isn’t a villain. However, Heather should be allowed to hang out with whoever she wants. If Heather doesn’t really like Ramona, why should she have to invite her on a trip, especially when she’s footing the bill?
The drama came to a head at Sonja’s Social Life Magazine launch. Ramona, who looked lovely in red and was putting back the Pinot like a pro, got in a feisty mood. When she heard that Sonja was going to London without her, she blew up. “You're being too politically nice and you're wrong,” Ramona slurred when Sonja defended herself and Heather. Sweet, drama-avoiding Sonja looked terrified, even as she tried to brush it off with a flick of her well-manicured wrists. Ramona, still strewing, stormed off into a closet with Mario and ranted to him about Sonja being an “airhead” and having “diarrhea of the mouth,” for some reason. Handsome Mario told Ramona to simmer down since she was acting unreasonable and the two left.
Aviva, who witnessed Ramona and Sonja’s showdown, went to Heather and tried to play the peacemaker. Heather fibbed and insisted that she doesn’t “not like” Ramona but that, again, the two “don’t groove,” which is really Heatherspeak for “I don’t like her.” Carole and Aviva didn’t really buy it, but eh, whatever. It’s the old vs. the new, the seasoned veterans with a taste for drama vs. the newbies who are still trying to figure out a way to not stare directly into the camera. This drama isn’t going to die down anytime soon.
Speaking of establishment-challenging conflicts (ha!), Carole did a very un-Housewife move and visited the Occupy Wall Street protests. Wearing her reporter scarf, carrying a camera, and with her friend Tripp in tow, Carole showed off her journalist roots as she took photos and talked to the protesters. She even let a hippie paint her with purple paint! If there’s one thing we can say about Carole, it’s that she got the Occupy movement documented by the Bravo cameras for posterity.
In a bizarrely un-self-aware moment, Carole asks her friend if they are part of the one percent. Oh, Carole. Even though you more than qualify as a one-percenter with your estimated $50 million fortune, you also instantly qualify as a one-percenter once you sign up for the Housewives. The show is all about garish displays of wealth, materialism, petty fights, and silly entertainment. But hey, just because you are one-percenter doesn’t mean that you can’t support Occupy Wall Street.
Speaking of the one-percent, we also got more of a glimpse in the life of Sonja when her intern Millsaps woke her up for her morning meal of a very healthy chocolate shake. Mm, chocolate for breakfast! Is that Sonja’s beauty secret? We’re willing to try it. Anyway, Sonja drew the curtain back a little more on her mysterious carousel of “interns” who float in and out of her townhouse. She explained that Millsaps was hired because she “wanted to experience New York City” and her mother wanted her to receive Sonja’s training. Could you imagine what “training” with Sonja would be like? She needs to start a finishing school for young ladies. We would spend all our hard earned money on etiquette classes (and toaster oven classes!) from the one and only Sonj.
Other things that need to be discussed:
-Reality TV D-lister sighting! Did anyone else recognize the blurred out frame of The A-List’s TJ Kelly in the background at the Social Life party? Hi TJ!
-Mario adorably spilling the beans on Reid’s wedding ring has won him back into our hearts once again. He may be devilishly handsome, but he’s also got some silly Ramona-like qualities in him.
-Did anyone else notice that furball that Carole was carrying when she met up with Aviva and Ramona for lunch? What was that? Why did it get its own place at the table?
-God bless Ramona for screaming at Carole and Aviva to eat something when they met for lunch. Heather may not like Ramona, but we love her! She’s like the kooky mom at the school event who everyone finds hilarious but their kid is always dying with embarrassment over.
-On another note: Did anyone else catch Carole on Watch What Happens Live on Sunday night? And notice how she kind of knew nothing about the Housewives?
The Real Housewives of New York airs Mondays at 9 p.m. ET/PT on Bravo.