Real Housewives of Orange County Recap: Season 8, Episode 5 — Xanax Wives Club

Real Housewives of Beverly Hills

Real Housewives of Orange County Recap: Season 8, Episode 5 — Xanax Wives Club

In The Real Housewives of Orange County Season 8 recap, Episode 5 starts, the lines are drawn. You’re either with Tamra Barney, or you can get the f**k out of her party.

Alexis Bellino has made her way out to the limo, while everyone except her friend Lydia stays inside Tamra’s gym-opening party. Alexis looked up bullying in the dictionary, and if you’re going crazy because people keep going after you, that’s bullying. Inside, each of the RHOC Season 8 ladies have their own share of these “bullying” stories — they all like to point out each others’ flaws from time to time — though everyone else is loathe to call it that.

Gretchen Rossi points out that they’re not children on a playground being forced to hang out with each other. They might gang up on Alexis, but they didn’t bully her.

Still wound up after kicking Alexis out, Tamra is a ticking time bomb Heather Dubrow tries to diffuse. Meanwhile, Gretchen and Vicki Gunvalson go at each other, literally pointing fingers and calling each other stupid. Are we sure they aren’t on the playground?

Vicki attempts to stay neutral — except when it comes to Gretchen — and calls the whole thing “weird and embarrassing.” A sobbing Alexis demands that Vicki be loyal to her.

Tamra follows Vicki to Alexis’s limo, holding her wine. That’s never a good sign. Lydia tries to rationalize with Alexis, telling her that bullying is an inappropriate term. “I had to go on Xanax for it, Lydia,” snaps the blond Housewife. When her friend points out that bullying victims sometimes commit suicide, Alexis sarcastically asks if she should go home and slit her wrists.

After eavesdropping to her satisfaction, Tamra interjects, “Maybe you shouldn’t be around us.” Alexis responds that she’s worked through her issues and simply came to support Tamra. In her confessional, Alexis calls Tamra the queen of mean, “but I have God on my side.” We had no idea He was so invested in Housewives.

Real Housewives of Orange County Recap: Season 8, Episode 5 — Xanax Wives Club
Credit: Bravo © NBC Universal, Inc.    

Upon returning to her party, Tamra announces that Lydia was standing up for them. “This is a cool chick,” marvels Gretchen. Then Lydia and Vicki return for their purses.

Tamra is still upset with Vicki for being “up Alexis’s ass.” The two discuss their “breakup” and the word “bullying” is said roughly 17 more times. When the elder Housewife leaves, Tamra flips her off.

Once that contingent is gone, the ladies that remain continue to discuss them. Heather takes offense over Alexis’s Xanax use. “Her little rich girl problems” are not a good reason for medication, according to Heather.

Vicki predicts that because Tamra has “humiliated” so many people — Brooks, Slade, Jeana — she’ll soon alienate everyone around her.

Psychic Charlene comes in to spruce up the gym’s juju. Tamra lights candles and wishes for a hard body.

Real Housewives of Orange County Recap: Season 8, Episode 5 — Xanax Wives Club
Credit: Bravo © NBC Universal, Inc.    

Back at Vick’s place, she and daughter Briana discuss Troy. The “glam-ma” says her grandson helped repair her relationship with Briana. When Briana shows off her “Push present” — a ring from husband Ryan, Vicki reveals she bought her own wedding rings both times.

As the two rehash Tamra’s party, Briana admits in her confessional that she agrees with her mom’s friend when it comes to Brooks Ayers.

Sadly, Slade’s son Grayson is still in the hospital following surgery. Gretchen files out to be with them both.

At dinner, Tamra sums up her complaints about Vicki to Eddie: She’s a b***h whenever Alexis is around. Instead of talking about something so upsetting, Eddie sets the mood by suggesting they push their wedding off until it’s no longer stressful to plan. (So, for forever then?) When Tamra gets upset, he graciously suggests she can plan the whole thing.

Real Housewives of Orange County Recap: Season 8, Episode 5 — Xanax Wives Club
Credit: Bravo © NBC Universal, Inc.    

Vicki’s family comes for a visit, which means “cocktails and chaos.” That’s the kind of reunion we can get behind. There’s a lot of Donn talk, but Vicki says she has a good Mississippi man. Does this mean she’s dating Brooks again?

In other news, Vicki’s mom is scary and gets the road rage.

You know Lydia is a good friend because she comes over to Alexis’s to help her unpack. Channeling the 1920s in an enormous headband-with-flower-attachment, Alexis calls Tamra’s party “Costa Rica Part 2.” Is there more Xanax in Alexis’s future? We’re starting to love Lydia, who responds to Alexis’s question about whether she’d want to be around women who treated her that way with a “No.” In fact, she’d never have gone to Tamra’s in the first place.

Alexis is o-v-e-r it and leaving it all up to G-o-d.

In a slightly weird conversation, Ryan tells Vicki’s mother that Brooks is just a fling. Later, Vicki admits that she feels safe having the marine in her house, but she feels like she’s constantly being watched.

Ryan tells Vicki’s brother that he installed cameras and doesn’t want his newborn son around Brooks or creeps in general. Briana tells the camera that she and Vicki have a verbal agreement: She and Ryan pay rent and Brooks can’t visit the house.

Then Ryan tells a charming little tale about coming across some “prostitute-dressed girls” with Brooks. The older man was looking them up and down and wondering if it would be “worth it.” Vicki doesn’t want to hear it, Ryan tells her brother.

Real Housewives of Orange County Recap: Season 8, Episode 5 — Xanax Wives Club
Credit: Bravo © NBC Universal, Inc.    

The next day, Vicki goes with her brother to visit Michael. Well, they meet a restaurant. In order to prevent his mom from pulling a pop-in, Vicki’s son doesn’t disclose his address. That sounds like a normal reaction and something that will never backfire ever.

As the three discuss Troy, Vicki makes a public service announcement for the benefit of her son: “Use a condom” if you don’t want to get anyone pregnant. Good advice.

Playing both sides, Vicki’s brother tells her that Ryan shouldn’t be dictating who comes into her home. It’s none of their business, he tells her. In fact, he says Ryan isn’t even family. If it comes to it, Vicki should kick them out.

Next week on Real Housewives of Orange County Season 8, episode 6, Heather and Terry are fighting, Alexis is playing offense, and Brooks is a ladies’ man.