Recap of Episode 3.13, “The Hurt Locket”

Gossip Girl

Recap of Episode 3.13, “The Hurt Locket”

This week on Gossip Girl, we've got sex, drugs, and a French state dinner that for some reason a bunch of teenagers are invited to! Let's get right to it, shall we?

Recap of Episode 3.13, “The Hurt Locket”

Serena and Nate are finally embarking on their long-awaited romance. They kick things off with a bang. Literally. On the living room floor. Both S and N are chided (by Blair and Dan, respectively) for diving in too fast, so Nate uninvites Serena from the French ambassador's dinner, despite her pouting. She then takes Blair's advice to make Nate jealous and invites Drug Dealer Damien to the dinner. He ditches Jenny for Serena, Jenny shows up and appoints herself Nate's date to make Serena jealous. Finally though, Serena and Nate talk, and he confesses that he's only playing games because he's wanted this for so long. She says she has too (she has? Okay) and they make up and have sex in the coat room. A fairytale ending if we ever saw one.

Also rather sweet is Dan, who has little to do this week except play inter-borough go-between for Rufus and Lily and pine over the absent Vanessa. He haunts her favorite coffee shop, reads blogs on how to turn a friend into a lover (oh, Dan), and calls her incessantly. We'd feel bad for him, but he's so cute when he pouts. Keep him hanging, V!

Recap of Episode 3.13, “The Hurt Locket”

Blair is still nattering on about academic secret society La Table Elitaire, but nobody cares. Not even Chuck, who blows off her Elitaire connection (who is French! And attending the French Ambassador's dinner! See what they did there?) to go chase down the woman from his father's grave. Blair is annoyed by his sudden obsession, but when she realizes that he really believes the mysterious woman might be his mother she immediately ditches the state dinner and her shot at La Table Elitaire (See? Even Blair doesn't care about it) to be with him when he confronts her. When they find the woman, Elizabeth Fisher, she denies everything. She says she and Bart were lovers only briefly. Ah, but while her mouth might say "I'm not your mom," the look on her face screams "I am TOTALLY YOUR MOM." B gives her a talking-to, and the last we see of her she's calling Chuck — and clutching another locket with a picture of her and a baby.

Lily tries to hide her panic from her brood over Rufus' absence, but he's not speaking to her. First he retires to Brooklyn (Hi, the loft! Why do they still have that?), then when he finally returns to the Upper East, he can't bring himself to go inside — but he can bring himself to have coffee with Holland Campbell, the comely lady who lunches from last episode. Later R psychs himself up to confront Lily. He demands to know if she slept with her ex-husband the night she spent in his hotel room. She denies it, but admits she kissed him. Rufus doesn't believe her and leaves — but only gets as far down as the 24th floor, where he disappears into Holland Campbell's apartment. Don't do it, Rufus! If you ditch your Upper East Side marriage you'll have to move back to Brooklyn, and then how would Jenny make new international drug dealer friends?

Recap of Episode 3.13, “The Hurt Locket”

Oh, Little J. You're all grown up and committing felonies. Damien recruits her to figure out how to smuggle a bunch of pills to the French Ambassador's daughter at — you guessed it — her father's dinner. While Jenny doesn't go with the plan we would have employed, were we drug dealers — namely, to do the exchange somewhere that wasn't crawling with security (say, McDonalds) — she crafts a scheme that's pretty boss: She sews a jacket and hides the pills in the accents. However, Damien ditches her and puts the coat on his date, Serena. This is deeply stupid, because Serena, in a once-in-a-lifetime fit of modesty, elects to keep the coat on. Damien's in deep merde, and prepares to flee the country — but when Serena and Nate's little international incident in the coatroom leaves her jacket crumpled on the floor, Jenny spots it and manages to get it to its intended recipient. Shame on you, Drug Dealer Damien, for drawing Little J into a life of crime! And for being way worse at it than she is.

12.19.2013 / 12:00 AM EDT by Melinda Taub
Related: Gossip Girl

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