Our love for Revenge is pure and untainted (much like Declan's virginity), but every now and then we shove a fist-full of lobster in our mouths and shout "WTF" at the television. This week's episode was full of even more head-scratchers than usual (presumably because it took place in the magical land of 2006), and we've rounded up the 5 biggest WTFs for you to look back on.

1. Daniel Is Undiscovered Poetic Genius
We've known about Daniel's artsy side since he and Emily recited that random poem together last season (insert LOLs), but guys? Danny Boy's beautiful poetic musings about the circle of life was even more moving that that one scene from The Lion King when all the animals bow down to Simba. Doubled with the fact that Danny was wearing a cashmere v-neck and his bangs were even more floppy than Conor Oberst's, we've come to realize that he's an undiscovered poetic master. In fact, he is our muse.

2. Ashley Got An MFA In Art History, Became A Prostitute
Heed our words, Art History majors. Your degree is completely useless. In fact, you are about to enter a life of forced prostitution, that's how useless it is. Apparently coffee shops, restaurants and McDonald's are totally grossed out by people with Art History MFAs, so don't even try. We suggest you head over to the nearest person with a Russian accent and offer up your services. You're welcome.

3. Young Victoria Dressed Like A Peasant
We need to discuss Victoria's outfit during her flashback-within-a-flashback. This gal's dress was vaguely reminiscent of the frock we used to wear when we played dress up with our American Girl Doll. In other words, she looked like she had stepped off the Mayflower. As far as we're concerned there are only two explanations: 1) Victoria is a secret pilgrim. 2) Victoria is a huge Little House on the Prairie fan.

4. Montauk Mafia > Other Mafias
We are so scared of the Montauk Mafia. From what we gather, they roam the docks terrifying old men, making vaguely evil references to fancy scotch, and putting small children in the hospital. These nefarious seamen mean serious business, and we're worried 2012 Jack is going to wake up with a bloody lobster head in his sheets if he doesn't cooperate. Basically, these dudes are taking the term "sleeping with the fishes" to a whole new level.

5. Um...Victoria Killed A Dude?
So, apparently Victoria pumped her mom's boyfriend full of bullets when she was a mere 15 years old, and then underwent six months on in-patient psychiatric treatment (which clearly didn't work at all, lady is crazy). The news that Victoria's a murderer is mildly disturbing, but we're thrilled to know she started killing at such a young age. She's double-infinity experienced!

BONUS: Sammy The Dog Returns From Heaven, Gets Less Than A Minute Of Screen Time
Who else is offended that Sammy wasn't the star of this week's episode? Justice will be served.


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