Revenge is a blissful hour of television filled with mystery, intrigue, bitter blonde bombshells, and popped collars. But every now and then we spit out our Perrier in a spasm of WTF horror.
With that in mind, we've rounded up the top 7 jaw droppers of Season 2, Episode 3, "Confidence," for you to ponder.

Also, we'd like to point out that the White-Haired Man's obsession with clocks was never fully explained. RIP, sad little friend.

7. Emily Hangs Out in Japan With Tribe of Small Dogs
We've always wondered what Emily and her bad self got up to in Japan, and we finally have a first hand glimpse! Turns out Em spent most of her time running hysterically through mazes with her hot British boyfriend, while being chased by adorable puppies who presumably just wanted kisses and hugs. Basically, she played capture the flag with cuddly creatures who look like this. We approve.

6. Declan Is Worst Jewelry Thief Ever, in the History of Jewelry Thieves
So...Declan is really, really, super duper bad at breaking the law. First he tried his hand at lobster poaching and was beaten up in an alleyway (sigh, memories), and his current flirtation with larceny isn't exactly going well. While we appreciate the fact that Declan bought himself a fancy pair of leather gloves for thieving, we can't get past the fact that left his driver's license out like a calling card. Eric van der Woodsen is so unimpressed right now.

5. Amanda Spends Her Free Time Huffing Whiskey
Amanda and her enormous pregnant belly have needs, mmmmk? Only, instead of craving pickles and ice cream, lady just wants to slam down a few shots of whiskey. No big deal, but consider us officially concerned. Next thing we know Fauxmanda will be doing whipped cream whippets Demi Moore-style. Also, Jack's child has a 50 percent chance of coming out buzzed, just saying.

4. Charlotte Plans Her Future as a Puppy Caretaker
You guys, our bodies. They are ready. It appears that Charlotte will be volunteering at a local animal shelter sometime in the near future, which presumably means Sammy the Dog 2.0 is about to come into our lives. We've prepared in all the usual ways: building a shrine, stocking up on organic lobster-infused puppy chow, and weeping copiously.

3. Aiden May or May Not Have Bed Bugs
Look, Revenge producers. Last time we checked in on the Hamptons, there wasn't a single hotel for less than $400 a night. With that in mind, we're wondering a) where Kara's motel is located, and b) why it's so grungy. We're also deeply worried that Aiden contracted bed bugs and several body funguses while trolling around the White-Haired Man's bedroom.

2. Victoria Catches Up On Her Correspondence
The Graysons were under lockdown this week, and apparently Victoria took the opportunity to skulk into her boudoir and catch up on her written correspondence. You know, to let her besties know that she didn't actually get blown up in a plane explosion. And no, Victoria doesn't use email, please. Her fountain pen is the most technologically advanced thing she owns.

1. Conrad Calls His Bread "Pain de Mie"
We really appreciate that even under duress, Conrad refuses to use plebeian words like "bread" and "toast." Why use English like the commoners when you can request your breakfast in French?


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