Credit: ABC Photo: Nolan Ross and Amanda Clarke Talk on the Beach in Revenge Season 1, Episode 10: "Loyalty"

Conrad tries to fire Tyler, revealing that he's seen the Shamu sex tape. Love it. Tyler's all WTF, but quickly recovers by laying his cards on the table: He knows about David Clarke. “I'd be very careful about the next words that come out of your mouth, Mr. Grayson.”

Aaaand cut.

In a much less exciting scene, Daniel and Fauxmanda have a brief confrontation outside Emily's house, until Lady Revenge shows up to sooth it over, telling Daniel it's okay and sending Fauxmanda scampering off. Daniel: “That girl makes me nervous.” That is the smartest thing he's ever said.

In the Queen's mansion, Charlotte catches Victoria going through her computer and decides she's had enough. She's going to live with Conrad. Victoria gets all sadface, and we have to remind ourselves that she destroyed little Amanda's life, because our hearts almost made the mistake of breaking for her.

And now, in what may be the best scene of the episode, Tyler confronts Nolan about the tape. It's hard to convey in words how amazing it is to see Nolan work out what happened while Tyler's all up in his face, yelling like the deeply unhinged man he really is. Nolan finally gives in and shows Tyler the tape, insisting that even though, yes, he withdrew his investment, he wasn't the one who showed Conrad the dirty sexin'.

Tyler grabs Nolan's computer in a fit of rage and throws it in the pool. Then he storms off, but not before uttering some cutting last words: “We could have been a good team. Now you're just as lonely and pathetic as the day I found you.”

Jack has made a sweet romantic dinner for Fauxmanda at the bar (which continues to never be open at reasonable hours). She gets all teary, and tells him she went searching for the sea glass they buried back in the day. She couldn't find it, but — aha! — it's because Jack already has it. He's had it ever since Social Services took her away. Hearts everywhere melt, and then remember that no, this is still really, really weird. Damn it, Revenge.

In other fake relationship news, Daniel leaves Casa Emily to check on dear old mom, because he's worried Tyler has gone off the deep end. Somebody took their smartie pants pills this episode. Emily sends him off with a kiss, and then Takeda emerges from the shadows. Has he been stalking her house?

Credit: ABC Photo: Tyler Strokes Nolan's Leg in Revenge Season 1, Episode 10: "Loyalty"

Before we begin today's recap of Revenge, Season 1, Episode 10, “Loyalty,” a little housekeeping is in order. Since this show seems tailor made to drive your recapper crazy, let's pick names for Amanda/Emily (Emily VanCamp) and Emily/Amanda (Margarita Levieva), shall we? For the duration of this recap, we'll be calling Lady Revenge herself Emily, and the original Emily will be Fauxmanda, since pretending to be Amanda is her current modus operandi.

Got it? Good.

We start with Emily and Takeda, her awesome Japanese mentor. He's advising while sparring. Apparently he subscribes to the emotions are a mind killer theory of life, and tells Emily to prioritize her obstacles and take them down one at a time, Kill Bill style. She counts off two problems: Tyler (Ashton Holmes), who should be simple to deal with, and Fakemanda, a ticking time bomb. He suggests she manipulate her greatest enemy (i.e., Victoria [Madeleine Stowe]) into taking Fakemanda out for her. Okay, so less Kill Bill, and more Revenge. Emily likes it.

At the Grayson mansion, Ashley (Ashley Madekwe) is back to kissing Victoria's butt, while Victoria is busy being upset, because she just got served — divorce papers, that is. Ashley assures Queen V that she'll come out on top, because everyone loves her. Which is great, because Ashley kind of hates her. Victoria gets Ash to promise to try to bring Daniel (Josh Bowman) back home; in return, Ashley gets the extraordinary privilege of calling the Queen by her first name. Ashley needs to seriously work on her negotiating skills.

Ashley and Tyler meet up in the pool house. She forgives him for making out with Nolan, kinda. He invites her to dinner at some swanky restaurant, telling her they could be a great pair, but he won't wait around forever. The best line of the whole scene: “You kiss a billionaire once, you make 200 grand.” Oh, naive little Ashley. He did so much more than kiss.

Over at the Stowaway, Sammy the immortal dog makes a reappearance — and he is not fond of Fauxmanda, who has apparently stayed the night. Jack (Nick Wechsler), however, is very fond of her, and decides Sammy must be senile. Jack, your dog is officially smarter than you. Fauxmanda decides to stay in town, telling Jack, “I can't tell you how long it's been since someone was this nice to me.” Aww. It would be so sweet if the entire relationship weren't built on a house of lies.

Back at Casa Nolan (Gabriel Mann), Nolan helpfully recaps to Emily that Tyler's been spying on Conrad. Emily's totally fine with that — in fact, she wants Tyler to try to blackmail Conrad, and insists Nolan pull his investment. Nolan tries to argue, but come on. He's going to do what she says, he always does.

He wanders off, leaving Emily to plug Shamu into his computer and find that Tyler sex tape he made. Dear Nolan: Never leave your secrets lying around where Emily can find them. This is Revenge 101 stuff.

Credit: ABC Photo: Emily Thorne and Amanda Clarke in Revenge Season 1, Episode 10: "Loyalty"

Back at the pool house, Ashley convinces Daniel to go to dinner with Victoria. Then Emily conveniently shows up and gets herself invited along. After Ash leaves, Emily spills some more news to Daniel: Tyler blackmailed Nolan into investing with him. Whaaa? The lies grow ever more complicated.

Tyler swings by Nolan's gorgeous pool to pay him back for the credit card shenanigans last week, and the pair makes Monte Carlo vacation plans. True conniving love right here, folks.

In Rich People Lunchville, a swanky divorce attorney runs into Victoria and offers his services — after telling her he's already declined Conrad's request. Victoria is definitely interested, and Mr. Lawyer leaves just in time for Daniel to show up with Emily in tow. Danny boy tells Queen V to make Tyler move out, and she shoots back that the house would be too lonely without him, with the not-so-subtle hint that this is all Daniel's fault. The Graysons have such healthy family dynamics.

Emily stops by the bar, where Jack is all happy about Fauxmanda. He laments that it's weird that Sammy doesn't remember her, though. Why? Well...

Flashback time! Little Amanda is hauled away by the evil grown-ups, and leaves Sammy in Jack's care, sobbing that she'll come back for him. But who is the “him” here? Sammy... or Jack? We see what you did there, writers.

Back in real time, Emily leaves Jack with a note for Fauxmanda, telling her to come by the house anytime. So she can reconnect with positive memories, Emily explains. “You're a really good person,” Jack tells her. We literally laughed out loud. Poor, sweet, confused Jack.

Before she leaves, Emily cuddles with Sammy, and there are definitely tears there. This dog is definitely the One True Love of her life. Good thing he can live forever.

OMINOUS MUSIC. Daniel tries to confront Tyler. Not much actually happens in this scene, but the music is seriously going crazy. After Daniel leaves, Tyler shakily gets out some drugs and realizes he's running low. DUN DUN DUN goes the music.

Fauxmanda shows up at Casa Emily, gushing about Jack. Emily passes on a diary from her foster care days, pretending to be a-okay with Fauxmanda stealing her identity. Emily explains she wants Fauxmanda to know everything about her past... especially the truth about the Graysons. Huh? What?

Credit: ABC Photo: Amanda Clarke Looks Love-struck in Revenge Season 1, Episode 10: "Loyalty"

Anyway, he's convinced Emily is in love with Daniel, which means he's out. Because feelings are bad. Emily should be even more of a revenge-bot. Emily begs him not to abandon her, but off he goes. She tears up as he disappears from her life, which basically proves his point for him.

Next we learn that Tyler, in his first truly tricky move, kept Shamu after the whole pool scene. Which means he now has the video of Lydia threatening to expose Conrad. DUN DUN DUN. Not so simple to deal with after all, huh Ems?

Daniel comes home to a wine-guzzling Victoria, who share the news about Charlotte and admits she sucks and everyone should hate her. Daniel starts to comfort her, but gets distracted when he hears Tyler is still living in the pool house.

He calls Conrad, full of righteous anger. Conrad tells him that he and Tyler worked things out. “What about ethics and integrity?” Daniel protests. Oh, honey. Daniel hangs up, distraught.

Charlotte shows up at Conrad's house, tearfully declaring she can't live with Victoria anymore. Conrad hugs her. Even his fatherly embrace seems fake, cold, and evil.

Ashley finds Tyler at dinner, and they toast to their continued icky, social-climbing, brown-nosing, friend-betraying partnership.

Daniel is furious, and tells Victoria he is going to stay at his job with Conrad — so he can help her take his father down. I guess he's forgotten that mom sucks, too? He decides to spend the night back at home, and Victoria could not be happier.

Nolan confronts Emily at her house, all tearful and hurt. Emily was mad at him for not telling her everything about Tyler, and she reminds him she has no problem destroying him if he messes with her. “I never asked you to be a part of this,” she declares as he storms off. “No,” Nolan agrees. “Your father did." And now, the words we all knew were coming eventually: "It's good that he's gone. At least now he can't see what you've become.” Ouch. This dynamic duo looks pretty done.

Emily calls over to Daniel, who is out on Victoria's Balcony of Mournful Staring. Victoria comes up behind him just in time to overhear that “Amanda Clarke” is back in town, and she makes the greatest subtle, Botoxed What the WHAT!? face in the history of television.

In the final scene, Emily voice overs about loyalty and trust and how you shouldn't ever have it for anybody, and we learn via flashback that Victoria's bloodthirsty divorce lawyer had once — say it with us now — helped screw over Daniel Clarke (in this case, by not going forward with his appeal). Apparently just-out-of-juvie Amanda confronted him about it back in the day. Which means... uh, we're not quite sure, but Mr. Lawyer is most certainly going down one day.

Next on Revenge: Tyler has a gun, and it's going to be great.

Credit: ABC Photo: Satoshi and Amanda Clarke Battle in Revenge Season 1, Episode 10: "Loyalty"

Before we can find out more, Daniel walks in. Emily introduces Fauxmanda as Amanda Clarke. Fauxmanda leaves, and then Emily plays dumb as Daniel's all “Amanda Clarke?” The Clarkes used to live in this very house, he explains. How strange! Emily's all Yep, I have no idea how that happened. Daniel says he's decided not to rat out Tyler for the alleged blackmailing, and they set a date for dinner with Takeda.

Nolan and Fauxmanda have a brief encounter at the Stowaway, and she taunts him with the news that Emily totes still wants her around. Nolan is not amused by this twist.

Meanwhile, upstairs, Jack learns that Declan has apparently decided to get an apartment with Charlotte. Jack points out this is a terrible idea and Declan will fail at life if he doesn't graduate from high school and maybe even — gasp — go to college. Declan thinks about this completely revolutionary advice.

Daniel and Emily are at dinner at a Japanese tea house with Takeda. In a freaking brilliant scene, Takeda and Emily argue in Japanese about whether or not Takeda should invest with Daniel, while Daniel sits there in blissful ignorance, thinking they're discussing environmentalism or something. Takeda worries Amanda is falling for Daniel, but she convinces him it's all part of her master scheme to get into Conrad's computer files. He relents, and Daniel ends up very pleased with himself for doing literally nothing.

Later, Nolan confronts Emily on the beach, and she basically tells him to shove off, because she has Fauxmanda and Tyler under control. Once again, Nolan is not amused.

Tyler and Daniel banter over business in front of Conrad, who apparently thinks this is all terribly amusing. Once Tyler leaves, he tells Daniel it's great if Tyler gets under his skin, because envy is good for business. Love you too, dad! An annoyed Daniel decides to spill the beans on Tyler's blackmail.

Fauxmanda brings Jack a piece of sea glass, which was apparently their jam as kids. They make out some more. You guys, this is the most uncomfortable courtship. Fauxmanda is so, so crazy, and the scary part is, we don't think she gets how crazy she's being. At least Emily is self aware about her destructive rampage.

Victoria meets with the divorce lawyer, who asks for three things from her: no contact with Conrad, complete financial transparency, and a willingness to go for Conrad's blood. Victoria is more than happy with these terms.

Charlotte and Declan time. Declan has fortunately realized that moving in together is the craziest idea anyone on this show has ever had. He insists he needs to finish school first. Uh, doesn't Charlotte need to finish school, too? Whatever. Dumb plan is dumb, but also over. Declan hands back Victoria's check. What is Charlotte supposed to do with it? Again, whatever. These kids are cute, but they aren't exactly master schemers.