Pop the champagne and hold your labradoodles close because Revenge is back and Jack Porter’s still in a violent rage. Episode 17, “Victory,” was filled with a kidnapping, well-dressed snipers, and the return of the Talented Mr. Treadwell.

Tonight’s episode was all about Emily’s foster care past (and Nolan’s mustard-colored shirt). Her abusive foster mother, Meredith Hayward, made an appearance that ended in a red X. Not bad for a Sunday night!

Here’s what happened:

 

Mr. James and the Giant Grudge

Like a bad habit, Eli James is still around and stirring up more drama than ever. We’re still not sure whether or not he’s fighting for revengey evil or actual evil, but one thing we know is, he’s certainly made things more interesting in the Hamptons. And interesting usually results in death or betrayal.

Eli’s now co-chair of The Amanda Clarke Foundation, which means he spends his days brunching with Victoria Grayson and looking down at the rest of the community from his pedestal. But don’t forget that Eli’s after his own revenge these days.

He’s still not over his abusive foster family, and since his father was never falsely accused of aiding a terrorist (that we know of), this vendetta is all he has.

So he decides to involve his foster mom, Meredith Hayward, in the foundation, convinced she’s still hiding some of David Clarke’s letters and determined to have his own payback for being thrown in the family’s underground dungeon call “the bin.” Because places like that totally exist outside of Wisteria Lane.

Ems isn’t keen on having Meredith around Victoria, but clues about her past are like kryptonite to Ms. Thorne and her Super Hoodie so it’s off to the races!

The foster siblings visit Ms. Hayward, who thinks that Eli’s working to get to get a slice of the profit. Emily, dressed as a young Diane Sawyer, goes unnoticed by her abusive faux-mom and manages to snag a peek at the infamous “bin” where naughty children go for punishment (think The Chokey from Matilda).

 

And now Victoria’s going to hand over $250k to Meredith each year, which might be chump change for the Hamptonite, but it reduces the orphan whisperer to tears. Chances are she’s not planning to buy Easy Mac with that dough, but we have our fingers crossed that home girl will get some new highlights. It’s a situation up there, lady.

Eli calls a press conference at The Stowaway supposedly to give Ms. Hayward the check from the ACF. But it turns into a public statement against her abuse and injustice, featuring a lineup of orphans (sadly not singing any show tunes from Annie). And just when Ems thinks Eli has it in the bag, Meredith grabs the mic and reveals that Eli was the one who actually set the fire that sent Emily away to juvie all those years ago. Oh snap, son!

Uh oh, someone has a red Sharpie headed their way. And Eli’s also on Victoria’s list. We’re not sure which one is worse.

But Eli is determined to make it up to Emily and heads back to his foster home to lock Meredith in the bin until she tells him where David Clarke’s letter are. There might be a revenger in him yet!

All’s well that ends in red Xs.

Carrion, My Wayward Sons

Meanwhile Aiden “Trigger-Happy” Mathis has devised a plan to keep Padma Lahari out of harm’s way after The Initiative sends her a video of her father holding a recent newspaper and wearing a tank top. As if the fashion weren't terrifying enough, Mr. Lahari needs Padma to meet Trask and hand over Carrion or they’re both dunzo.

Emily’s British babe is going to take out all of The Initiative reps sniper-style and then rush Padma and her family to a different country with new identities (like in Our Lips Are Sealed only without the Olsen twins).

The only person who isn’t doing jumping jacks for this plan is Nolan. Because, he’s like totally in love with her. Pro tip: next time you want to have a nerdy billionaire fall in love with you, have one seaside brunch with him and then betray him and force him to destroy his empire. It works every time.

Ms. Lahari has to drop off the Carrion program in a sketchy Jason Bourne-style alleyway. Luckily she has two pros like Aiden and Nolan (because he’s so talented at the shooting range) to keep her safe.

Naturally, the plan goes awry and P-Unit gets jacked and thrown into the “Free Candy For Kids” van. Cue Nolan having a major meltdown and scuffing up his perfectly coiffed locks.

Now Padma’s got to make her own hostage video, and the lighting is not flattering.

Nolan and Aiden break into The Initiative where Nolan’s headless turtle flash drive proves that Aiden is a poor man’s Emily when it comes to revenging. Now Nolan’s in tears and desperate to find his lady love while Emily’s torn about leaving her bestie in the lurch. But we have all the confidence in Nolan and his ability to nerd out until he finds Padma.  

Unfortunately for Mr. Ross, it seems that The Initiative is also working with The Falcon so the one person who has the ability to keep Nolan out is helping the guys who have locked Padma in.

Jack the Plumber

Jack’s still broke, in plaid, and full of angst and it all centers around the Graysons (and everyone who’s ever loved him). He’s tracking Kenny Ryan in a cranky search for the truth. Luckily, Declan “I’m-a-former-jewelry-mule” Porter snags his former mansion robbing buddy Trey Chandler’s phone, which has Kenny Ryan’s number on it.

And Jack’s plebeian roots are about to come in handy for one Grayson. Conrad’s on the campaign trail and his numbers aren’t looking good so he’s searching for his own Joe the Plumber. Naturally he hits up the man whose wife he murdered by extension.

Meanwhile, Jack meets up with Kenny and after threatening him next to a high school soccer match, Kenny reveals that he’s been hiding the recordings of Nate and Conrad’s meetings. Jack demands the tapes and now has the evidence he needs to connect Conrad to Amanda’s murder.

The only problem is, there’s no paper evidence linking Conrad to Nate Ryan so Jack is down to play the plumber.

Daniel and Mr. Taylor

Danny’s still in his poetic angsty phase, continuing to juggle his moral compass and his family name. (Hint: the family name comes with Prada loafers and a Ferrari). But it seems his struggle is about to put Emily Thorne in danger.

He’s taken to having lunch with Ems and calling her “Mr. Taylor.” Not only has the revenger undergone a sex change, but she doesn’t even get the privilege of having Daniel’s secretary confirm the plans.

The Initiative sends a super subtle “urgent” envelope, which contains an adorable picture of the couple at a candlelit dinner (umm, prof pic much?!) and two extra large bullets. If only D-Money knew that Ems is a woman about town who totally knows her way out of handcuffs in a pinch and who lights houses on fire for fun.

And while we’re on the topic of Daniel, it seems he isn’t actually Victoria’s first born after all. Emily tracks her father’s hidden letters to Mason Treadwell in prison. Though the letters are ash along with Mason’s log cabin, the journalist in the jumpsuit reveals some of the most shocking contents. It turns out Victoria had another soon when she was a teen who she put in the foster care system. Cue Emily’s revenge light bulb flashing.

What did you think of tonight’s episode? Tell us below! And to get a shorter recap of "Victory," see what our friends at You Know You Love Fashion had to say!