Hear that? It's the sound of Carson Daly's melodious voice coming at you from TRL. Yes, Revenge is flashing back to a time when frosted tips, AIM, and Now That's What I Call Music were popular. In other words, Emily Thorne is getting her revenge on in 2006, commonly known as the year Pluto stopped being a planet.
Welcome to 2006! Our girl Emily is revenging all over the place, and to make matters worse Britney and K-Fed's breakup has everyone on edge (we assume). Of course, Emily only has one thing on her mind: getting her revengey train on track, which apparently involves prostituting herself out to a nefarious man named Dmitri at a whore house in New York City. Oh, and both Aiden Matthis and Ashley Davenport work at said whorehouse.
Yes, guys, Ashley is a hooker –– but don't worry, before she meets her first client, Emily gives her a stack of bills and takes her place! Looks like there's more to this friendship than meets the eye.... Also, what meets the eye is extremely short mini-skirts and body glitter.
So, why is Emily getting jiggy with a sleazy Russian? Turns out her latest mission is a favor to Takeda, who wants her to find a prostitute named Colleen who was kidnapped and sold by Dmitri just one week before the downing of Flight 197 (bonus: Colleen is Aiden's long-lost sister).
Unfortunately, Aiden up and shoots one of Dmitri's bodyguards just as Em is about to get sleuthy, and he ends up being strung-up and tortured until Emily crawls through the ceiling (yes, you read that right) and saves his life while wearing a skin-tight metallic bandage dress.
Oh, and extra special? Takeda and his rat tail pop up to say "hey, y'all" while Aiden kills Dmitri and Em convinces him to join Revenge Camp. Also, Aiden and Emily are already bonding so hard –– in fact, his dad was conned into planting the bomb on Flight 197!
Hips Don't Lie
Ew, guys. Victoria's plebeian past is making us uncomfortable. We always knew this Queen B came from humble roots, but her gold-digging mom, Marion, is taking things to a new level of backwoods. Baby V cut ties with Marion as a teen, but that doesn't stop her from showing up to Grayson Thanksgivingpalooza 2006 in a faux leopard jacket. Frankly, we're shocked that she didn't ignite into spontaneous flame upon entering the house.
Apparently, Marion wants to ingratiate her potential new hubby, Ben, into the family, which causes Victoria to have all kinds of meta flashbacks-within-flashbacks to her mom's last fling. Turns out that Miriam had an affair with a pedophile named Thomas, and she forced Victoria to shoot him in the chest when he wanted out.
Thanks to her trigger finger, poor Victoria was sentenced to six-months of inpatient treatment, and by the time she returned her mother had already moved on with a new man. Yep, Marion kicked Victoria to the curb, which is presumably why she ended up as a confuzzled gallerina in The Big Apple.
Thanks to Thanksgiving story-time with Victoria, Marion is forced to leave Grayson Manor with just the fur on her shoulders, but the real kicker? Victoria staged the entire dinner (and hired Ben) just to get back at her mom. That's right, she blew her revenge wad all over 2006, guys.
And if you're wondering about Daniel, yes, he is going through another one of his emo phases, and he wants to major in "writing" and "feelings." In fact, he's a poetic genius (to quote: "we speak in hushed voices as not to wake our memories"), but sadly Connie burns all his work. #undiscoveredgenius
How To Save A Life
Remember how Jack and Declan are currently being conned out of The Stowaway by a wayward seaman who wants to exact revenge on The Ghost of Carl Porter? We always thought Carl was an innocent townie who spent his life fondling fish, but false. 2006-Carl was involved in some seriously shady business, namely the Montauk Mafia. Yes, they exist guys. They're loud, they're proud, and they're really into lobster. Deal with it.
Unfortunately, Carl owes the mob boss, Ryan, money, but when he finally settles the score so The Stowaway will be left alone, a next door neighbor kills Ryan with Carl's pistol –– which is why modern-day Kenny is so eager to exact fisherman revenge with his cray-cray brother.
In other news, 2006-core Nolan is even more fabulous than ever, and guys? He wanders around in unbuttoned vests like some kind of jubilant minstrel. Nols has good reason to be celebrating 2006 –– his company, Nolcorp, has finally gone public, and he's head-over-chucks for his CFO, Marco Romero.
Tragically, Nolan and Marco get into a bro-off thanks to 500 million of company assets that are taken by Emily, and when Nolan tells Marco the truth, Marco says sayonara to their relationship and calls Nolan a terrorist. Um, uncool –– and why do we have a feeling we'll see more of Marco in upcoming episodes?
Tune in next week to see Ashley finally confirm all of our most scandalous suspicions in the winter finale of Revenge! What did you think of tonight’s episode? Tell us below!