The promo for the season finale of Revenge is 30 jam-packed seconds full of accusations, tears, bitch slaps, and axe-murderers.
If you watched it and still feel like you have no idea why Charlotte hasn't overdosed on pills yet, fear not. We’ve parsed through each millisecond of promo content and created a detailed analysis of what’s to come!
0:01 – Emily Pays a Visit to Someone's House ... Could It Be The White-Haired Man?!
Someone really needs to ask this dude what his name is.
0:02 – Flashback to David Clarke Getting Stabbed in Slow Motion
Sigh, prison riots. Can't live with 'em, can't live without 'em –– because you'll just get shivved in the shower anyway.
0:03 – Emily Walks Into Nolan's House, Crazy Camera Angles Abound
He's not there, Em. And neither are his bangs.
0:04 – Daniel Finds Emily's Hidden Camera
Time to settle down and watch a 15-hour sex tape.
0:05 – Conrad and Lydia Kiss, Everyone Shudders
Almost as creepy as the time Victoria stroked her de Kooning like it was a person.
0:06 – Victoria Bitch-Slaps Daniel, We LOL
We love how the editors have managed to include this scene in every promo for the last three weeks.
0:07 – Charlotte Claps Her Hand Over Her Mouth in Horror
Probably just remembered that she breathed the same air as someone from Yonkers.
0:09 – Emily Attacks Someone .... With An Axe?
Cut to Daniel watching "So I Married An Axe Murderer."
0:11 – Charlotte Says "Something Terrible Has Happened"
You mean, other than the fact that your dad's a terrorist, your other dad's a murderer, your BF hates you, and you're a drug addict?
0:12 – Victoria Steps Out of a Car While Epic Music Plays
Looks like she's taking a trip down Love Lane with her buddy from the SEC!
0:13 – Daniel Looks Evil Because Apparently He's a Terrible Person
Sob, the title says it all.
0:14 – Conrad Visits Victoria, Seems Angry
What else is new?
0:15 – Emily Falls Backwards While Smelling Something ... May or May Not Be Dead
Don't worry, she's probably just huffing a lobster bib.
0:17 – Conrad Opens His Trunk ...
Trying to figure out how many dead bodies he can fit in it.
0:18 – Someone Burns a Photo of Victoria and Lydia
Considering that Emily has a history of pyromania, we think this is all her.
0:20 – Daniel Accuses Emily of Cheating!
Sigh, Ashley is such a snitch with a capital B.
0:21 – Victoria Recoils From Conrad's Touch
0:22 – Jack Opens a Drawer
"Ahhh, hello hoodies. My sweet friends."
0:22 – Hand Flops Over, Spills a Bunch of Pills
They've been teasing us with this image for three promos in a row. At this point, we're starting to think it's not gonna happen.
0:23 – Emily Says "Tell Jack I Love Him"
Tears of happiness!