Recaps

There are so many things we'd love to see "illuminated" on Revenge. Like, why has no one staged an intervention for Declan's fashion crimes? And how come no one has noticed that Montauk's beaches are full of dead labrador bodies? And most importantly, how come no one is concerned that Jack has morphed from a confused seaman into a certifiably deranged revenger who talks to jars of sea glass...

Please light a candle and say a little prayer for our fallen Revenge home girl, Fauxmanda Clarke. This poor stripper-turned-murderer died in a tragic boat explosion, and everyone is so sad. Emily Thorne's sad, Nolan Ross's sad, Charlotte Clarke's this close to braiding herself a noose made out of Declan's hemp, and Jack Porter is a broken man, by which we mean a seaman. 

Basically, we...

Please clutch your pearls (by which we mean sea glass), grab a paper bag (by which we mean Birkin) and breathe into it (by which we mean vomit). Lives are about to be taken on Revenge, and we're basically hysterical.

Clearly, Sammy the Dog has turned into The Grim Reaper, and he's out for vengeance. Yep, this geriatric super dog is still mad about that one time Jack and Emily made out over...

Revenge is back after a two-week hiatus, and thank God. Because our couch is currently littered with clam shells, sea glass, pieces of carrion that we accidentally confused with The Carrion Project (yes, it's traumatizing).

Basically, we've reached the rock bottom of hiatus blues, and the only thing that can get us out of this slump is more Nolan Ross. And Declan's man jewelry. And even more......

Hands up if you have no idea what "collusion" means. It's like, let's just use words we can all get on board with like "Loubie," "mood rings," and "hair flops" (looking at you, Jack), right guys? \

Anyway, turns out a collusion is an agreement that usually involves a fair amount of fraud and lobster killing sprees (we assume), which totally makes sense considering the crazy hijinks that go on...