Sex Advice From a 98-Year-Old Woman: Affairs, Yes. Boredom, No.
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Sex Advice From a 98-Year-Old Woman: Affairs, Yes. Boredom, No.

There are certain things you don’t discuss with your parents, there are even more things you don’t discuss with your grandparents, and then there are things you can’t avoid discussing with a 98-year-old two-time divorcee and mistress. Whether you’re comfortable discussing sex or not, you can’t escape Pauline.

Pauline was recently interviewed by Esquire. Where they found this firecracker, we will never know, but she certainly has some gems to share when it comes to relationship advice. Pauline is a retired widow and mother of two who has been married thrice, divorced twice, and loves to talk about her “lover.”

Pauline advises that we all make our marriages more like her affair. “If he would buy his wife a present, he would buy me a better one,” she says. “He once bought her a diamond heart, and the next day he brought me a gorgeous diamond bracelet, very expensive. You see what I’m telling you? Tit for tat. Nothing was too good for me.”

In fact, Pauline says that the relationship with her lover was the best of all the men she’d ever been with because they made each other genuinely happy. So happy that even her lover’s wife invited her to come along with them to their summer home in Maine because the guy would be “miserable” without her!

“She knew,” Pauline says. “But she couldn’t do anything about it. She was a nice lady, but she wasn’t a pretty lady. And she wasn’t an exciting lady.”

Take note, ladies. You must be pretty and exciting for your man, or else they’ll find someone else. You must also be sexually compatible, in case you didn’t figure that part out yourself.

Pauline is also a big supporter of divorce. Having been through two of her own, she helped her daughter through her first and urges couples who “haven’t got that feeling anymore” to do the same. “If you haven’t got that feeling, and he hasn’t got that feeling, get a divorce,” Pauline says. “It’s the only way. You’re better off alone. Because when you live with someone that doesn’t make you happy, it’s miserable. It’s worse than being alone.”

Pauline also doesn’t think a couple can stay happy together for all eternity, so don’t even try. “You get used to each other,” she says. “And as you get older, you’re not looking for the same things anymore. I don’t like to be bored with life. You’ve got to have a lot of passion and you’ve got to have a lot of feeling. Without feeling, there’s nothing, it’s just an act — and that’s no good.”

But she does believe in compromise. If your husband’s a golfer, she says, you should learn to play golf, too. If you like to play bridge, your man should belly up to the table with the ladies as well.

It’s clear that this woman has been around the block, and whether you take her advice or not, we have to respect that she’s had her fair share of experiences. Enough to give her a very good insider’s look at how marriage works or doesn’t work. While we’re not intrigued by her infatuation with divorce as a way to change things up when things have gotten stale, we love her explanation of the importance of compromise, her advice to keep things spontaneous, and we may have found a little guilty pleasure in reading about her exploits with her lover.

There’s more where all of this came from over at Esquire, but before you go, let us know your thoughts on Pauline’s life below. Would you love to live life dangerously like her, or do you believe in the “one and done” philosophy?

Source: Esquire

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Emmalie Vance is an Editorial Intern at Wetpaint Entertainment. Follow her on Google+!

09.25.2013 / 12:00 AM EDT by Emmalie Vance
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