Credit: Photo courtesy of MTV © and TM MTV Networks Photo: Tony Gets Some Love From Michelle
In the next scene, they’re in bed, post-sex, and Tony is just about to drift off. We’re just about to give up when Michelle asks if he thinks she’s smart. He slurs that she’s totally the smartest girl he’ll ever know. He’s going back to sleep when Michelle hits him with a whammy: She never wants to see him again. She tells him “good luck with your shit” and kicks him out of bed. Go Michelle! You’ve redeemed our faith!

“Michelle” closes as our heroine joins Betty at the Chinatown bus station. Betty explains that sometimes she takes a cheap bus to Boston when things get too intense and asks Michelle if she wants to come and “take a ride.” That sounds like sexy talk but it doesn’t really fit the mood — Michelle is crying as the bus takes them away.

Meanwhile, as the Nutbush turns…

As for the rest of our gang, Tea and Stanley were the most affected by the week’s revelations. Tea had been slowly moving toward a relationship with Betty — bringing her to their group table, etc. — but the revelation that she slept with Tony may have destroyed it.

Speaking of Stanley, our boy slept through the whole “Tony is cheating on Michelle” freakout. When he walks in on Tony sporting a shiner in the bathroom, he wants the deets — who could Tony be schlepping that would be worth the mess? Tony won’t tell, so Stanley takes a swing at him. Tony ducks so Stan punches the bathroom door and manages to break his own nose with the reverb. Nice.

Later in the episode, there’s a big Stanley shocker — at the exact moment that Michelle’s thinking of him, he’s thinking of her! What are the odds?! He’s ripping up photos of her with Tony because Stanley is an 11-year-old girl, but he finally leaves his pile of pictures to video message Cadie. Yay Stanley! Moving on with your life! But Cadie has moved on too — she met a gorgeous dude in rehab and she thanks Stanley for inspiring the trip. He acts like this is great news. And then he signs off so he can cry.

The raging Michelle-Tony inferno sucked most of the oxygen out of the room this week, but the rest of our gang did manage some trouble. At the club, Chris proved he’s still the pill-dependent Wild Man we know and love, while Abbud remains a failed romantic — he tried to pick up a lady but she gave him a fake number. Sad face.
Credit: Photo courtesy of MTV © and TM MTV Networks Photo: Michelle Gets Angry in Skins Season 1, Episode 5: "Stanley"
Welcome to “Michelle!” The episode opens on a school night. Where’s our gang? At the club, obviously! More specifically, Tony and Michelle are hooking up against the wall at the club. When she says, “I love you,” he pretends the music is too loud to hear her — stay classy Tone. They hang with the rest of the gang for a few minutes before Michelle asks to be taken home for Round Two. Tony would love to, but his schedule is just so full of “make sex eyes at secret lover Tea.”

The next morning, Michelle wakes up next to Tony. She wanders out to her kitchen where her mom is making out with a dude. Michelle tries to ask her mom for advice on knowing when a relationship is over, but her mom gives her some dumb answer about kicking a guy out when he farts in bed. Clearly, Michelle’s mom has really short relationships.

Michelle has a day of errands planned. First, she needs a birth control refill so she visits a doctor for her lady parts. The good doc confuses her with her mom, so Michelle gets the full works — examination, STD panel, etc. Next is a meeting with her principal, who seems to be the shiny unicorn of the Skins world — an adult who knows what’s going on. The principal says she doesn’t buy Michelle’s pretty-but-stupid act — she knows Michelle’s smart and she should stop pretending just because Tony likes her dumb.

Michelle storms out of the meeting and heads to Nutbush. The gang is cracking wise but Michelle’s fun ends when she gets a call from her doc. She’s got chlamydia. Michelle proves that she’s just as smart as the principal suspected — she instantly puts two and two together. And then she goes nuclear, nailing Tony straight in the balls. OMG! She wails on him until Abbud and Chris haul her off.

Post-attack, Michelle tries to talk through the pain. First, she sobs in the bathroom while Daisy listens. Then Michelle accuses Daisy of sexing up Tony too and Daisy’s like, “oh no, my standards are much, much higher than that.” We like Daisy’s brand of pep talk.

Her mom isn’t very helpful either, just tells her to stop caring and move on to a new guy. Tea just smokes cigarettes and projects guilt. So Michelle starts wading into Cadie territory — she chats with her box of pills. She tells the chlamydia-killing antibiotics about her history with Stanley — they’d been childhood friends until Yoko Tony came along.

The next day, Michelle struts into Nutbush with some news — she blames all of them. Everyone yells until she tosses Tea’s bag and sees some familiar antibiotics fall out. Again, our girl is totally smart — she immediately figures out Tea’s dirty little secret, which she promptly announces to Nutbush.

Totally drunk on fury, Michelle goes to Stanley’s house to revenge sex him up. Stanley puts up a token fight but Michelle puts her hand down his pants and the show’s over. They cuddle and reminisce about how awesome life was in the pre-Tony era.

Later, Tea corners Michelle and swears that she can explain. Michelle doesn’t think she should try — what could she say that would make it better? We totally agree — Tea’s a smooth talker but nothing she could say would make it okay. Michelle goes up to her room and gathers a pile of pictures and drowns them in the hot tub. She picks up her phone and tells Tony he can come over — she’s ready to talk. Her voice is calm and cool — she’s totally going to drown him!

Ding-dong, Tony is at Michelle’s door, leaning against the frame like Mr. Cool. He checks his hair in the mirror and waits while Michelle pours them vodka. Is he waiting for her to apologize? Now we understand why Tony apologizes so rarely — he totally sucks at this. But then Michelle admits that she loves him and they go at it. WHAT?!