We're in dance withdrawal over here at Wetpaint Entertainment, so we decided to check out Lifetime's Dance Moms to fill the void. Don't judge!
If you're hooked on the sequins and not afraid to admit it, check out last night's recap for Season 1, Episode 11: "It All Ends Here."
It's the last competition of the season at Starbound Nationals and the stakes could not be higher. "This is it. We have to win. Right here. Right now," Abby yells at the girls in her opening pep talk.
We all know she can sometimes come off a little bit — how do we put this mildly? — bitchy, but at least we know her intentions are pure.
"This is my reputation on the line!" she barks at the girls. No offense, Abby, but we're not sure how your reputation could get any worse.
She then reveals the results of the weekly pyramid: Paige, Mackenzie, and Nia are at the bottom; Brooke and Chloe come in second; and at the top is — surprise, surprise — Maddie.
Here's what it means for the girls: Sisters Paige and Brooke will perform an acro duet, Maddie and Chloe will do a contemporary duet, and both Maddie and Chloe will compete for the title with new solos. Oh, and everyone's in the group number, which features some sort of prop.
Beauty Is Only Skin Deep
Much to our surprise and delight, the prop Abby has in mind is not a stripper pole, but rather a mirror. So, what the heck is this dance about?
"It's about taking a good look in the mirror, but not at what you see, but, like, the internal mirror," she tells the girls.
It sounds nice in theory, Abby, but here's the problem: One week you're dressing them up like baby prostitutes and the next you're preaching about inner beauty. Pardon our French, but that's really f'ed up.
Back in momma drama land, Melissa reveals that she's leaving Maddie and Mackenzie in Tahoe to take a vacay with her boyfriend, which officially makes her the worst mom on the show. Her face when her ex-husband Kurt shows up at the bowling alley to check in? Priceless.
Christi, on the other hand, really surprises us this week when she’s supportive of Chloe possibly taking a break from dance. We are also impressed with Kelly, who stands up for Brooke and Paige during the really awkward group powwow.
"If they're not no. 1, we don't care. They're my kids and I love them," she tells Abby. Then, the zinger: "Take the crown and shove it up your ass!" Um, Team Kelly!
Lights, Camera, Action!
The girls are putting the finishing touches on their costumes and makeup backstage, when in walks Melissa's ex-husband Kurt.
"Just be yourself and don't worry about anyone else," he tells Maddie. We're all about awesome and supportive dance dads, but did Kurt forget that he has another child? Poor Mackenzie doesn't even get a hello.
In the solo competition, Maddie takes the stage first and wows the audience with her technique and stage presence. (Does anyone else find it hard to believe she's only 8?)
Unfortunately, things don't go as smoothly for little Chloe, who completely freezes up and forgets the last bit of choreography. She runs off stage in tears to be comforted by Christi, who says, “Mistakes happen. We all can't be perfect." Huh. Maybe these moms do have hearts after all ...
Well, with the exception of Melissa, who missed her daughter Maddie win the title of Little Miss Starbound. But Maddie doesn't seem too upset. "I'm lucky. I have nine crowns now," she says, basking in the glow of self satisfaction. We rue the day she comes home empty-handed.
Brooke and Paige’s acro duet is mediocre at best, with lots of bent knees, flexed feet, and wobbly landings. The girls look disappointed, but Kelly assures them they did a great job … after blaming the whole thing on Abby. Typical.
Next, Chloe and Maddie take the stage with a Black Swan-inspired duet. The pressure is on for Chloe, who uses this opportunity to redeem herself after messing up her solo. The girls nail the routine and win first place overall. Paige and Brooke place fifth.
So, how did the girls make out with the group routine? It's not as clean and together as Abby would have liked, but the judges seem touched by the positive message and award the girls with the highest honor — first place overall for Top Junior Group.
"They won the whole thing. I am so proud of the girls. Nobody is ever going to forget the name Abby Lee Dance Company!" Abby shrieks … and all's right with the world.
But you didn't really think the episode would end on a high note, did you? This is Dance Moms, after all.
Just as the girls are about to head home, Abby decides to take one final jab, this time at Kurt, Maddie and Mackenzie's doting dad. She forbids him from seeing the girls because he makes them nervous and he's "rude."
WTF, Abby? This guy does a better job than most of the women. May we suggest a new show, Dance Dads?
Anyway, Kurt threatens to pull Maddie and Mackenzie out of the Abby Lee Dance Company, at which point we have to resist the urge to yell "Fight, fight, fight!" at our TVs.
But that's not the only surprise. Abby gathers everyone around to announce that the journey's not over yet.
"We came to nationals and we won, but we're not finished," she says mysteriously. "We're headed back to L.A. and I have a surprise in store!"
Tune in next week for the season finale on Wednesday, Oct. 5 at 10 p.m. ET to see what Abby has up her sleeve!