Credit: Facebook

Alarming news from Gary Shirley's neck of the backwoods, y'all. No, Amber Portwood's baby daddy hasn't stopped moonlighting as an organic farmer (phew), but it does appear as though he's up and gotten married.

That's right, ladies, Gary and his amazing facial hair are officially off the market — at least according to a surprising tweet that he busted out on July 17.

"Just bought the wife new coach shoes x2 pairs!" this flawless Teen Mom star mused while we OMG'd all over the place. "1/2 off I guess prices are still hacked up, but so is my live [sic] for her!"

What. Is. Happening. While Gary likes to keep his private life on the down-low (except when he's talking about baked goods), he did take to Twitter back in February to gush about his new gal pal, a fellow single-parent who enjoys pizza and rummy.



Apparently, these two have gotten pretty serious in the past few months, because, um, it looks like Gary is a married man?

Let's just hope our favorite Teen Dad sprung for something slightly fancier than the Walmart promise ring that he purchased for Amber Portwood. Also, let's also hope he's learned that saran wrap is not an acceptable alternative for condoms.