The time to eat Doritos and SlimJims is upon us. It's another week of groovy Teen Mom madness, and our favorite parental units are doing better than ever! By which we mean they are still wearing Uggs, piercing their thumbs, and saying things like "Where's my glass of wine?" In other words, beautiful.
Amber Checks Out of Rehab!
Much like Katie Holmes, Amber Portwood is free! This gal has spent a full two months in rehab to work on her anger problems, and it's finally time for her to head home to her family. Amber looks better than ever (That tan! Those sparkly piercings!), but did rehab really do the trick?
Amber makes a list of things to do upon her return, and right at the top is getting her license, finding an out-patient treatment center, and "making up with Gary." Last time we checked, Amber and Gary Bear were tentatively back together (she's promised not to choke him again, sigh), but has she really overcome her anger probs? Doubtful.
Gary's worried that Amber will expect him to carry all the weight when she gets home, and he says that he's "scared but thinks everything will be alright." Oh, Gary. Someone needs a hug made out of jumbo slushies.
When Amber finally does make it home, she's thrilled to see her family (especially sweet Baby Leah!), but we have a feeling the no contact order between her and Gary is going to make things rough. In other news, Amber brought Leah tons of swag from California. What a lucky gal!
Farrah Goes on a Date!
Farrah's all about living the good life now that she's soaking up the sun in Retirement City, and you know what that means. Time for a love connection! Unfortunately, Farrah's mom is still in town (hide your weaves, everyone), but the upside is that Farrah has a free babysitter.
This lovely lady heads on a date with her new squeeze, Daniel, wherein they eat a giant sundae while discussing important issues like Farrah's fertile womb and how she's always wanted to ride a "long horn cow." Side note: Farrah is wearing unexplained feathers in her hair during this entire date. Yep.
But enough about boys — Farrah's first day of culinary school is coming up and she's a ball of nerves. Luckily, she has Daniel as a distraction, but he has yet to call her for a second date. What gives, Danny Boy? Don't you know Farrah is a superstarlet?!
Luckily, Daniel comes to his senses and text messages Farrah as she's dropping her mom at the airport, so they go horseback riding on their second date! As you might expect, the poor, innocent horses hardly know what to do with themselves once they see Farrah's massive Ugg boots, but all in all it's a great date of frolicking fun. Farrah and Daniel even kiss!
Ryan Pushes for Joint Custody!
Last time we checked in on Maci, she and Kyle had made the big decision to send Baby Bentley to preschool. Awww, our little dude is all grown up … and he's also pitching hillbilly fits all over the place!
Unfortunately, there's one problem: Ryan Edwards and his sexy self. Ryan has no intention of sending Bents to school during their time together, and he's majorly peeved that Maci's trying to boss him around. In fact, he blows off picking up Bentley from preschool, and the poor little guy is definitely bummed. Get your adorable behind into gear, Ryan!
To Ryan's credit, he is trying his hardest to be pleasant to Maci — but his parents encourage him to pursue joint custody so he can have more say in raising Bentley. We love Ry's parental units, but it definitely isn't their place to get involved in Maci and Ryan's custody issues — especially behind Maci's back. Sigh, we smell drama coming …
Catelynn and Tyler Get Ready for College!
Oh, don't worry. It's just Tyler and Catelynn, being completely adorable and perfect as usual. These two have officially graduated high school, which means the time for higher education is has come! Also, the time for watching Cate and Ty binge eat tacos is upon us, but that's another story.
Ty and Cate finally have the house to themselves now that Butch is "living in a cardboard box," so it's time to sign up for classes! Tyler is already registered for the new semester, but Catelynn still has a lot of work ahead of her, and Ty is concerned.
Speaking of Tyler, turns out he's a total mama's boy. This hottie accompanies his mom to the hair salon to see her get a new do, where they real talk about the possibility that Catelynn might never want to go to college. Tyler even admits that he would break up with Cate if she failed to motivate herself! Wow, way harsh.
Little does Tyler know that Catelynn really does want to kick her education into gear, and she calls the financial aid office to make her very first appointment! Yay, this gal will be on her way to being a pregnancy counselor in no time!