Fact: Teen Mom is the best thing that's happened to reality television since Kim Kardashian made a sex tape. Each week we end up ugly-crying, happy-crying, Cheeto-eating, and Slurpee-sipping, and we're currently rolled up in the fetal position clutching a Justin Bieber poster. (It's the closest thing to Tyler Baltierra that we have. Sigh!).
Farrah's Mom Gives Daniel Her Seal of Approval
Love is in the air, gang! Farrah has been living the single life since Sophia was born, but this Daniel fella has her swooning all over her Double Ds, and it's time to meet the parents!
Farrah decides she wants to focus on her school work (read: hang out with her boyfriend), so she invites her mom/public enemy no. 1 back to The Sunshine State to pick up Sophia and take her to Omaha for a whole month. Because Debra has such a great track record as a babysitter (hide yo' kids, hide yo' wife, hide yo' nail polish).
Once Debra and her bad self hit up Florida, she decides to take the whole crew out to dinner for an opportunity to interrogate Daniel (and so Sophia can binge eat packets of butter). The conclusion? Danny Boy is a stand-up guy who makes Farrah happy — and considering that this is a girl who weeps on the regular, we'll take what we can get.
In other news, Sophia is terrible two-ing all over the place, which is absolutely adorable and slightly stressful. Luckily, the magical wonder of Barney makes a pretty good sedative.
Butch Goes to Trial!
Bad news, y'all. Our favorite mulleted parental unit has turned out to be insane in the membrane. Who knows if it's all that time spent in a cardboard box or the fact that he's juicing on cocaine, but Butch flew off the handle during last week's episode and bruised up his wifey (and Catelynn's mom), April.
Now Butch is facing an arraignment, so April and Tyler head to court to see how their least favorite person looks in a orange jumpsuit (Answer? Perfection). Butchy decides to represent himself during his upcoming trial, which means there's a pretty good chance that he'll end up in the clink. After all, we can't really see this guy taking the Bar Exam between now and then.
Meanwhile, April promises Cate and Ty that she'd had enough of Butch's cray-cray behavior, but she can't help her sexy feelings for him and she's going to need Cate's support more than ever. April agrees to go to AA, so she takes Catelynn to her meeting and vows not to chug down anymore brewskis. Way to go, April! Also, we suggest substituting beer for Pringles. Works wonders.
Maci and Bentley Adjust to Their New House
Welcome home, Maci! This gal has finally bought herself a new house, and it's time for her, Kyle, and Baby Bentley to pack up their bags (read: pack up their Uggs) and move! The problem? Benny is suffering an existential crisis. He doesn't know who is he, where he's going, or why he has so many mini dirt bikes. And don't even get him started on the mysterious entity that is "Teen Mom." Basically, little dude is confuzzled.
Speaking of confuzzled, Maci's baby daddy, Ryan "I'm Sexy And I Know It" Edwards, couldn't be more thrilled by Maci's new digs … at least that's what we assume. One can never tell — he always makes the same facial expression.
Ryan might be happy for Maci, but he still wants to take her to court for custody, and his girlfriend, Dalis, is putting on the pressure. She even asks Benny if he wants to live with her and Ryan full-time and buys him a puppy!
Them's fighting words, Dalis. We have a feeling next week's episode is going to be full of bitch-slaps, dog drool, and Bents trying to escape from his new room.
Game of Homes: Amber and Gary Battle Over Leah
Amber went to rehab for more than a month, but at this point her tan is the only lingering evidence of her time in Cali-Cali. This troubled girl is back to her old ways, and can't seem to get her anger under control!
Amber and her ex-fiance, Gary Shirley, are having major issues sharing custody of their baby gal, especially when Gary goes to Tennessee and leaves Leah with his mom. Amber's peeved that her man is ditching them to have fun in The Volunteer State, but we're with Gary on this one. He's a great dad and always puts Leah first! This fella has every right to chill out with his brosefs — even if Amber doesn't approve.
To make matters worse, Amby is unwilling to sign up for outpatient treatment — presumably because therapy without string bikinis and palm trees isn't nearly as much fun. This poor gal is in over her head, and has taken to having emotional breakdowns all over the place. We know Amber's sad that she can't see Leah as much as she wants, but we think there's something more going on here. Don't forget that Amber has some serious medical issues … is she suffering from depression again?
Looks like we'll have to wait 'til next week to find out, gang! Until then, sit back, relax, and fantasize about Ryan's abs.