How are we supposed to sleep when ABC is telling us that someone is going to pull a Courtney Robertson on The Bachelor 2014 Episode 2? It’s almost a week away, and that seems like forever. Already, Juan Pablo Galavis has made us cry, cringe, and swoon like it’s his full-time job… which it is. But next week, things get a little weird.

According to ABC, Clare Crawley gets the first one-on-one date, with a “winter wonderland” date created by some poor team of frozen-fingered interns. They go sledding, make snowmen, and ice skate on a private rink. And then, to really get in the mood, Clare tells him the story about her dad dying. Yikes. But don’t worry — word is they share “passionate kisses as they dance the night away while being serenaded in a private concert by singer-songwriter Josh Krajcik.”

Back at Bachelor Mansion, Lucy Aragon is bored out of her mind by the lack of free spirit-friendly activities, and decides to strip down and go topless in the hot tub. Apparently, these girls never got cray-cray with Boone’s Farm in college, because they get super teetotally and prim about it. What are they, new?

On the other solo date, JPG takes dancing queen Kat Hurd to the most romantic place on earth — no, not Atlantic City. That was Desiree’s domain. We’re talking about Salt Lake City, of course, the Mormonic base responsible for such exports as Jef Holm. They get sexy in neon, glow-in-the-dark athletic equipment, and then run a 5K. So, essentially, this sounds like our literal nightmare. But yay for Kat, if that’s what she’s into!

Lastly, 13 of the gals get a group date, dressing up and taking pictures with dogs. No, we’re not kidding, that’s the date, guys. And according to the synopsis, “when several revealing costumes are unveiled, two women go into an emotional tailspin and have second thoughts about whether they should continue with the shoot.” Five bucks says it isn’t Lucy, who offers to go “au natural” for some reason. We’re not sure she understands what helping means, but we like her all the more for it.

At the Rose Ceremony, “one woman steals the spotlight when she has a meltdown over not getting one-on-one time with Juan Pablo and derails the night.” No, Tierra doesn’t make a special appearance, but it gets extra awkward when single mom Cassandra Ferguson has a Tony Pieper moment about her son and JPG has to talk her back into being here. In the end, only 15 of the original 18 gals remain.

Who goes home? Who does Juan Pablo pick? And what happens to the rest of the girls? We’ve got some answers, but only time will tell how everything plays out for Juan Pablo and his gaggle of gal pals.

Tune in to watch all the drama on Monday, January 13 at 8 p.m. ET/PT on ABC for Season 18, Episode 2 in Los Angeles.

Julia Wayne is an Editor at Wetpaint Entertainment. Follow her on Twitter and Google+!