Every Bachelor season’s got one: the trainwreck contestant who can’t make it through an episode without an uncomfortable amount of tears and way too much talk of wounded relationships past. This year the responsibility fell on Lauren Higginson — the poor girl who was abandoned by her former fiancé and who spends the better part of the premiere tearfully hashing it out with whoever will listen, be it another contest of Juan Pablo himself.

Not unexpectedly, Lauren’s introductory chat with Juan Pablo about how insecure she is didn’t earn her a rose at the end of the episode. Now able to watch her own onscreen meltdown from the comfort of her own home, Lauren admits she did have some cringeworthy moments.

“I didn’t really know what to expect,” Lauren told E! News of tuning in to watch herself on Monday night. “I knew they would use that little meltdown. There have been a lot of people who have been really nice and felt sorry for me and I hate that because I don’t want that, but it’s one of those deals that I was very dramatic, so what can you do?”

Much like former contest Kylie Lewis, however, the 25-year-old Oklahoma native believes the show’s producers did set her up to look bad. Lauren argues her talk with Juan Pablo was edited to make her look like “an idiot” and that she “actually felt really sorry for myself.”

“The talk with [Juan Pablo] I actually had to leave the room, because it was painful,” she said. “First off, [producers] took out all [Juan Pablo’s] dialogue, seriously I did have an actual conversation [with Juan Pablo] so it just had me talking. So of course I looked like an idiot. The dramatic part I was ready for — I did that — but I did not like looking ignorant. So that bugged me more than anything. I can have a conversation, good lord!”

Lauren takes full responsibility for her steady stream of tears, but maintains that the producers manipulated her interviews and talks with J.P.

“There were tears, those were real,” she said. “The words that came out of my mouth were real, but in terms of the order or the context absolutely not.”

Source: E! News