Credit: Courtesy ABC (video still) Photo: Clare Crawley Sobs in the Promo for Season 18 Episode 5

The Bachelor 2014 is well, well, well underway. You know how we know? Because Juan Pablo Galavis has already kissed half a dozen girls, made a dozen girls cry, and still has plenty of drama coming at him. The next stop on his tour of terror? Da Nang, Vietnam, where he and his bevy of beauties will terrorize the rivers wild.

On Season 18 Episode 5, Renee Oteri finally gets the one-on-one date she’s deserved all along. And you know who else gets a solo date? Nikki Ferrell. We bet Clare is stoked about that one… Oh, and speaking of our dear Clare Crawley, it seems that things with her and our dear Bachelor are heating right up along with the weather. Let’s talk about what happens, thanks to the ABC synopsis, which dropped today.

Some key things to know: Renee and Juan Pablo “act like two giddy teenagers,” on their exploration date in Hoi An, which is darling, since they’re both 32-year-old single parents. Word is the “woman with a heart of gold” (jeez, no pressure, Nee-nee) is starting to “fall for Juan Pablo” but may be a little shy on telling him. Perhaps because all we know so far is that he was happy she helped cook when he showed up at the house? It’s a damn good thing JPG buys her a tailor-made dress for a romantic dinner. If anyone deserves it, it’s her.

On the group date, JPG takes nine women on rice paddy boats down the river, except for one little thing no one really thought through when they were trading traveling pants: nine is an odd number. Thusly, the ever-clever Clare crafts her way into a boat with JPG and from the promo, it looks like that goes really well for no one except CC. In fact, the ever-composed Andi Dorfman is actually the one who’s like “Hey, brosef, where’s my solo time?” except, you know, in that polished, gravelly way of hers.

How does the time go with Clare, when she “is determined to stretch her alone time with Juan Pablo and makes a daring offer to him”? Even ABC admits it’s a little shaky, saying “when he singles out Clare for for some extended alone time, he is asking for trouble.” So, not well.

On his other solo date, Nikki is “traumatized” when Juan Pabs drags her to hell. Nope, we’re not being dramatic (surprise) — they rappel 100 feet down into a cave whose name is, yikes, Hell. At the bottom, there is food. Because, after facing our greatest fears, we always want a candlelit dinner. You know, if that’s code for pizza and a Snuggie. ABC wants to know: “Is it possible for her to release her anxiety so that she doesn’t ruin her date and her chance for a rose?” Yeah, likely.

The whole eppie ends with “one of the most dramatic cocktail parties of the season” which ends up with Clare crying a whole lot and a “compelling and moving” rose ceremony. By which the network means that he is compelled to send three girls on a moving airplane back to their roseless lives. The end. Oh, and they also miss out on New Zealand. So, that’s a shame.

Want to know how far Clare makes it after her misstep? How about who gets eliminated next week, on the February 3 episode of The Bachelor? Who is left standing at the end of the season? Done.



Julia Wayne is an Editor at Wetpaint Entertainment. Follow her on Twitter and Google+!