Week after week, we watch as somewhere between 27 and 0 women fall in love with Juan Pablo Galavis, the Bachelor of the moment. These girls laugh with him, cry over him, and fight with each other. They live together in a house whose hair must be gigantic because it’s that full of secrets. They probably throw white wine spritzers on each other and then blame it on tripping over the stilettos they’re just casually wearing as they prepare their rice cake “pizzas.” We don’t know what happens, but for one day a season, we kind of do. That’s what “Women Tell All” is for, and it’s coming for you.
The set up is pretty simple: a lucky audience sits in a room forever as at least half the season’s contestants sit in chairs on a stage, and a few girls get called down to the Hot Seat. Usually, it’s the girls who were funny, caused drama, or were otherwise central to a plot point who get quizzed by Chris Harrison. Often, the next Bachelorette is one of them, since the audience is supposed to see her get her closure so that we’re ready to fall in love and cheer her on in the upcoming season.
If we’re lucky, something super horrible and unforgivable happened on Hometown Dates or Fantasy Suites, and the bachelorette in question gets to come at the Bachelor with little supervision. See: AshLee Frazier calling out Sean Lowe for telling her in the Fantasy Suites in Thailand that she was the only girl for him and the rest of them didn’t even go to her school, and then adding a little name-calling as the whipped topping. “You acted like a frat boy,” is how we remember it going down. It was glorious.
This year’s “Women Tell All” special airs on March 3, the week before the most dramatic finale of the season. The upside is we get to hear a little bit about what happened in those shrouded overnight dates. The downside is that the final two girls usually don’t come (unless you’re Courtney Robertson and want to apologize), so that they can’t give away what happens by breaking down in tears or bringing a knife to shank some other girls (you know who you are).
The episode often pulls in meh ratings, but we have a feeling that after the super dramatic thing that supposedly happens in the Fantasy Suites, there will be plenty of people who want to tune in and see what Juan Pablo did to ruin some girls’ lives, because he’s a life ruiner. They’ll say.