IT'S ALL HAPPENING! After weeks of grueling makeout sessions (seriously, Juan Pablo Galavis' tongue is broken), our lovely El Bachelor has finally whittled his lady harem down to just four baby machines. The lucky girls in question? None other than Andi Dorfman, Clare Crawley, Nikki Ferrell and Renee Oteri. Now, you might be wondering, "how hard can it be to pick just one wife?" The answer: super hard. Juan Pablo basically has no idea what he's doing, and the time has come for us to help our confused little friend. Behold, our picks for The Bachelor 18's winner and runner-up, who we chose based on degrees of sophistication, sensuality, and mental stability.

Name: Nikki Ferrell

Ranking: Queen of Juan Pablo's mundo (it's not just for Sharleen. It means world.)

Pros: Despite the fact that everyone on the show seems to loathe her, Juan Pablo loves Nikki long time. Actually, he doesn't love her because we haven't reached the point on The Bachelor where Juan Pablo's allowed to drop the L-word, but he definitely likes Nikki enough to make out with her. He even likes Nikki enough to introduce her to his daughter, Camila! The fact that this girl has already met Juan Pablo's family cements her status as frontrunner, though we have some concerns….

Cons: Look, we know living with a bunch of mentally unstable victims of Chris Harrison's insanity doesn't bring out the best in anyone, but Nikki came off as slightly immature during her cat fight with Clare in Miami. Which would be fine if it weren't for the fact that Juan Pablo already has one child. Also, we still aren't over the fact that Nikki wore pantyhose last week. We can forgive, but we can never forget.

Name: Andi Dorfman

Ranking: Runner-up

Pros: Surprised that Clare Crawley didn't nab our number two spot? So are we, but despite Clare and Juan Pablo's natural chemistry, he (and we!) chose Andi this week. Juan Pablo and Andi share an emotional connection that he lacks with Clare, and it also seems like Juanny is inexplicably attracted to this girl's smarts. And speaking of....

Cons: You guys, we're worried Andi might be slightly out of Juan Pablo's league. This is basically Sharleen Joynt all over again. You see, Andi is smart, career-driven, and witty — and we're not quite sure Juan Pablo will be able to keep up with her. Like, this is a man who still thinks it's acceptable to wear anklets in public. Do we really see him marrying a gang prosecutor? Andi seems pretty smitten with Juan Pablo, but we fear she'll eventually start thinking that she's settling.

Head to the comments and let us know what you think about our top two contenders. Oh, and if you want to spoil yourself silly, click here to find out who Juan Pablo picks!