Credit: ABC

You probably already know everything you think you need to know about Juan Pablo Galavis’s Fantasy Suites date tonight on The Bachelor. But you’d be wrong. With Nikki Ferrell, Clare Crawley, and Andi Dorfman heading to the Caribbean island of St. Lucia on the February 25 episode, it’s anyone’s game to lose.

ABC has (finally) released their synopsis for the Fantasy Suites episode, and it’s going to be a ride. At least, for Nikki Ferrell, who gets the last date before the Rose Ceremony, involving a “romantic horseback ride through a forest and along the shore.” Considering how poorly Juan Pablo rode the bull on his Hometown Date with Schemey Nicks in Kansas City, we have doubts that he should be riding anything during these overnight dates episodes (and yes, we mean what you think we mean). She still hasn’t said she loves Juan Pablo, but will she? Probs.

But as sweet as that sounds, the first date is with Clare, where they’ll steer toward two “massive remnants of volcanic domes,” maybe because that’s how Juan Pablo thinks of Clare’s own topography? Just a thought… The topic of conversation? Her supes awkward Hometown Date, wherein her sister Lara was like “hard pass,” and Clare tried to do damage control. When El Bachelor offers her a night in his fantasy, ABC swears she “suddenly has second thoughts.” Yeah, right.

Most importantly, things with Andi are insane. They go eat seafood (not a euphemism) and play steel drums (also not a euphemism) before they make out under a waterfall. We’d say that’s romantic, but they’ve already had that photo op in New Zealand, so, yawn. ABC’s interns say “the already smitten bachelorette is even more love struck when Juan Pablo reassures her that he is there for the right reasons.” Except, you know, we’ve seen the promos, so we can’t imagine that someone as fierce as Andi has ever been all giddy and “smitten” about someone she’s known for five minutes.

Finally, we’ll get to see Juan Pablo’s deliberations with Chris Harrison. Good, because we were wondering why Herr Harrison is even on the payroll this season, for all we’ve seen him onscreen. But none of it matters, because while Juan Pabs watches the videos from each lady before the Rose Ceremony, “one bachelorette delivers an unexpected message” and Juan Pablo “meets the lady in question” for a “shocking moment that has never happened before in the history of the show!”

Want to know what happens? Something dramatic. Who goes home and who does Juan Pablo pick?

Source: ABC

Julia Wayne is an Editor at Wetpaint Entertainment. Follow her on Twitter and Google+!