Credit: Rick Rowell / ABC Photo: Clare Crawley Tells Juan Pablo Galavis Off in the Bachelor 2014 Finale

The Bachelor is over, we're sobbing over a vat of Franzia, and Juan Pablo Galavis still doesn't have a fiancée. Why are we not surprised? This infamous Bachelor shocked the nation when he chose not to propose to Nikki Ferrell on the Season 18 Finale of our favorite dating competition, and he certainly has some explaining to do. Luckily, the folks at ABC gifted us with a LIVE “After the Final Rose” special, in which Juan Pablo and Nikki sat down with Chris Harrison to discuss how their relationship has progressed since The Bachelor's finale (spoiler alert: it's super awkward).

Oh, and don't worry Clare Crawley showed up to get in on the action, as well as former Bachelor Nation superstars Sean Lowe and Desiree Hartsock plus their significant others! Hmmm, it's almost as if Chris Harrison invited these happy couples to LOL at Juan Pablo's failed love journey, but he wouldn't be that evil, would he? Actually, we don't even know anymore.

So, what happened during the drama-packed episode? Keep reading, Juan Stans (by which we mean haters).

Clare Chooses Not To Confront Juan Pablo

Credit: Bachelor ABC Instagram Photo: Clare Crawley on the Bachelor 2014 After the Final Rose

Juan Pablo's breakup with Clare was kind of awkward thanks to him saying that he "loved fing her," so fear not. Chris Harrison didn't force these former ocean sexers to reunite for an even more horrible hang session on LIVE television. However, Clare did open up about her feelings, telling Chris that she "should have left" The Bachelor when she initially had suspicions about Juan Pablo. She even she described her blow-out with Juanny as a "liberating" experience that gave her a good amount of closure! "I don't want to sit here on this couch and get fed anymore B.S.," she mused while wearing a sassy leather dress.

Uhm, amazing. But, how did Juan Pablo feel about Clare's dramatic exit? He brushed the whole thing off with his usual "ess okay" attitude, and told Chris Harrison that he has no regrets about his time on The Bachelor. Oh, and he also refused to apologize and refused to acknowledge that he had done anything wrong. But the real low-blow? When he said "I don't hide behind a computer," which we obviously take as a personal insult. We thought we were in a good place with you, Juan Pablo.

Are Juan Pablo and Nikki Still Together?

Credit: Rick Rowell /ABC Family Channel © 2014 Disney ABC Television Group

Remember when you assumed that Juan Pablo was going to get down on one knee and propose to Nikki, but instead he simply handed her a rose? Good times, said no one ever. Despite this unfortunate event, Nikki still seemed smitten by Juan Pablo at the end of The Bachelor's season finale but what's their dealio circa this second? Are Juan Pablo and Nikki together?

You betcha! Nikki was all smiles when she sat down for a chat with Juan Pablo, but confirmed that her man still hasn't dropped the L-word...despite the fact that they've been dating for four months. "I'm not going to force it," she said. "It's on his time."

Meanwhile, Juan Pablo was thrilled about coming out of hiding with Nikki, but he refused to tell this poor girl that he loved her in front of Chris Harrison. In fact, he was insanely defensive of his decision not to tell Nikki that he loved her, which was all the more painful when Sean Lowe was like "la, la, la I LOVE CATHERINE SO MUCH!" So, what have we learned? Juan Pablo and Nikki are dating, she loves him, he doesn't love her, and Chris Harrison hates his life.

Juan Pablo Has Literally No Surprises to Give

Chris Harrison spent an entire 2.5 hours telling us that Juan Pablo had a huge surprise in store for the audience, and fans couldn't wait. We were so excited! Was he going to propose at ATFR? Was there a breakup in store? It was all so promising! Wait. Sorry. Nope. Nevermind. Juan Pablo clarified to a completely confused and possibly suicidal Chris Harrison that he in fact had zero surprises for anyone, least of all us.

Andi Is Bachelorette!

You guys! Andi Dorfman is the next Bachelorette, which is the best news since the invention of cheese. We love that ABC rewarded Andi for publicly humiliating Juan Pablo and gifted her the title of Bachelorette, and she's definitely a fan-favorite judging from the audience's enthusiastic response to her ascension to the throne. And while Juan Pablo has been slammed (by Andi, no less) for his insincerity, it looks like Andi is completely genuine when it comes to finding love.

Tune in next season to see this stunning gang prosecutor find the man of her dreams hopefully with someone who's vocabulary doesn't include the words "ess okay."