Credit: Craig Sjodin/ABC Television Group ©2010 Disney

If you’re not following Bachelor alum Ashley Spivey’s Bachelorette blog or Twitter feed, you’re missing out on a whole lotta awesome. Her Season 8, Episode 2 blog featured hilarious screen grabs, captions, and one-liners too good not to share.

One of her insights revolved around a noticeable awkwardness between Emily Maynard and ex-football player Ryan Bowers. Ashley counts no less than three times Emily tells Ryan “I’m glad you’re here” over the course of their date. Ashley says, “It worries me a little that Emily repeats this phrase multiple times during Ryan’s date. I think the chemistry may be lacking.” It’s true — what seems like a compliment does eventually sound more like a silence-filling, nervous verbal tic!  

What do you think?

Ashley also notices that “Ryan didn’t even laugh when Emily joked that they would be going to Chuck E. Cheese for the next part of the date.” No, in fact he looked terrified. However, he consoled himself quickly with a juice box. But Ashley calls out the manly faux pas: “Y’all know how I feel about guys drinking out of straws. Just don’t do it! Did y’all learn nothing from Ryan Gosling in Crazy, Stupid, Love?” Wise words, Ashley.

One more nugget that didn’t miss Ashley’s radar, Ryan explaining to Emily, “I like a good chase,” and Ashley lets Ryan have it, “Emily isn’t here to play games, dude! She has a daughter! Leave the competition on the football field!” We’re thinking Ryan must’ve eventually felt foolish and that was what prompted him to write his epic love note. Ashley weighs in, “How the heck can you have seven pages worth of stuff to say after 1 date? Leave some mystery about yourself Ryan so Emily wants to go on more dates with you so she can get to know you dude!” We agree, Ash!

Check out the rest of Ashley’s Bachelorette Blog here.

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