Credit: ABC

If you know us at all, you’re already aware of our status as crazed Bachelor fanatics. Naturally, that means that we had to go through the Season 17 finale promo to find out exactly what’s going to happen when our dreams are dashed Sean Lowe picks between Lindsay Yenter and Catherine Giudici on March 11. Let’s take a walk:

Chris Harrison: “It’s the emotional season finale you won’t believe!”

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Nothing comes between Sean and his Calvins... except maybe an elephant. And great job getting close to Catherine. Looks like a much better date than swimming in a cave.

Sean voiceover: “I have two great women left...”

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Again with the turquoise tank top? How delightful. A romantic river boat ride looks like the perfect way to spend a final date.

Lindsay: “I’m so happy”

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Really, Linds? You are a day away from finding out if you just wasted a few months and one of your heart’s lives...

Sean: “So am I”

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Those eyebrows.

Sean voiceover: “...two women that I’m falling in love with....”

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Whereas Sean and Lindsay’s alone time was on a boat, Catherine has been relegated to dark corners.

Sean: “I picture you and I together...”

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Does that mean he loves her? Or just, like, we picture ourselves with a ham sandwich later.

Sean voiceover: “...and they’re about to meet my family.”

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Ah yes, the customary pre-in-law canoodle. Classic.

Sean’s dad: “If it’s you that Sean ends up marrying, you will never have a bigger fan than me. I’ll love you like my daughter”

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Truth: That’s the nicest thing a future father-in-law could ever say.

Catherine: “Thank you so much for that.”

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Aww, Catherine is totally crying. This must mean a lot to her, given her history with her own father.

Sean voiceover: “Although I see Catherine as my wife...”

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Cabana or hotel room? Either way, they’re letting 2 become 1 in the least “all the way” manner.

Sean voiceover: “...I equally see Lindsay as my wife as well.”

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Okay, now we’re just confused. How can you get to the point where you might flip a coin??

Sean voiceover: “...and I’m hoping that my family provides clarity for me.”

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Starlight, star bright, first star I see tonight... What do you think Sean’s wishing for?

Chris Harrison: “When Sean’s journey to find love comes to a dramatic end.”

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This is the same outfit he was wearing to hang with Lindsay. Well, one of the three shirts... Is he thinking about the date he just left or contemplating life before he heads off to see her?

Sean: “Now you see the dilemma I’m in, because they’re both wonderful girls.”
Sean’s mom: “They, they are. But you don’t need to be proposing to either one of them.”

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Ouch. That’s gotta make things awkward at the wedding Sean is apparently planning this summer...

Sean: “You’ve seen... twenty minutes.”

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And you’ve seen six weeks, so...

Sean voiceover: “I know it’s hard for my family to understand how I could be undecided at this point.”

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Will Sean’s mom keep him from proposing? He is a hugely family-oriented guy, so it seems possible.

Sean’s mom: “It’s just a huge decision.”

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Wow, this is getting intense.

Sean voiceover: “I have two women that I have fallen in love with. And time is running out.”

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It’s hard to imagine being in a position wherein you’re so invested in two people, you can’t decide which one you want to spend your life with.

Chris: “She gave you something...”

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He should probs just choose Chris Harrison. CH makes the best messenger. In this case, he’s bringing something to Sean.

Chris: “...that she wanted you to see.”

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Oh good, it’s a letter. That won’t make his already-blondish brain spin.

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Who’s it from? The promo would have us believe it must be from Catherine or Lindsay, but we’re guessing it’s either from his mom, giving Sean her blessing, or from AshLee, detailing how exactly she plans to skin him.

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This face.

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Who will Sean choose? Will he propose? Will he instead grab Chris Harrison and lope off into the sunset on an elephant? Tune in on March 11 for the THREE HOUR finale.