Oh, hey, guys. We're so glad you're here to join us during this love-fest for Ashley Palenkas, our new best friend and personal muse. We're still weeping soft tears over the fact that Ashley was deflowered after just one night on The Bachelor Season 17, but we'll always have the memories. And the drunk dancing. And the collection of S&M sex toys.

Credit: ABC Photo: Ashley Palenkas Meets Sean Lowe on The Bachelor Season 17 Episode 1

We first realized Ashley's potential for being our future lord and savior when she gave allowed ABC's pervy cameramen to film her reading 50 Shades of Grey in the solitude of her bedroom. Lord knows what she was doing under those covers, but we have a prevailing fear that handcuffs were involved (Anastasia Steele's fave, naturally). 

Of course, then came Ashley's drunken meltdown during The Bachelor's inaugural cocktail hour, where she decided to dance like no one was watching (spoiler alert: everyone was watching), yell "SHHHHHHH," and then tell Sean Lowe that her mom approves of their sexually experimental relationship. 

How dare you not give Ashley a rose, Sean? She was a total keeper! Then again, she might have eaten said rose in a drunken muchie binge, but what-the-ever. This girl's pre-Fantasy Suite dismissal is a crime against humanity.