Credit: Rick Rowell/ABC Television Group © 2011 Disney

Raise your hand if you, like us, wish Jaclyn Swartz would show up on every season of The Bachelor! She's hysterically funny, gorgeous, and probably has some seriously good stories to tell about Ed Swiderski's mysterious (AKA horribly disturbing) sex noises.

Luckily, you can get your fill of Jaclyn every week of Season 17 as she blogs about Sean Lowe's journey! This gal is more than a little picky about who she'll give her seal of approval to, but she already has some faves. First up, Ashley Palenkas, our favorite purveyor of soft-core porn. "Ashley P. comes up to interrupt and starts grindin’ like a horny 7th grader at a bar mitzvah," Jaclyn writes. "LOVE IT! No seriously, I LOVE ASHLEY P. I want to hang out with her, like yesterday."

Jaclyn's also a big fan of Bachelor veteran, Kacie B, who showed up in the same dress that Jaclyn wore during Bachelor Pad! "B*tch! Not only did she not tell me she was going back on the Bachelor, but she also wore the same dress as I did on the BachPad finale," Jaclyn says. "Oh helllllllllllllllllllll no. In all seriousness, doing the Bachelor twice is close to impossible. I’m so proud of her for taking such a huge risk....Kacie’s time with Sean was perfect."

In other news, Jaclyn has nothing but love for Sarah and Lindsay, and nothing but hate for Ashley H. Mostly because she was dressed up like Princess Jasmine. "Ashley H should have been nexted immediately for that blue dress," Jaclyn says. "I also think she wore some sort of weird zebra getup in her ABC picture? That being said, I am glad I won’t have to look at her outfits anymore."

We have a feeling there's a lot more animal print where Ashley's zebra dress came from, so Jaclyn better buy herself a blindfold. Or just dip into Ashley P's sex toy collection and borrow one.

Source: ABC