Credit: video still

The Bachelor Season 17 promo is upon us, and it's a jubilant masterpiece of shirtless hotties named Sean, deranged lady clowns (no, like, actual clowns), copious tears, and cartwheels. We've analyzed each second of promo content and created a detailed analysis of what’s to come –– namely, lots of nudity.

0:01 –  Emily Maynard Tries to Strangle Sean As They Kiss
Otherwise known as a Neck Job.

0:02 – Emily Clutches a Rose, Terrifies Flowers Everywhere
Death by strangulation.

0:02 – Sean Purses His Lips
He is so disappointed in all of us.

0:03 – Emily Breaks Up With Sean
She's sobbing, he's sobbing, we're drowning in a pile of glitter and tears.

0:04 – Black-and-White Sean Cries In a Limo
Shhhh, sweet creature. Soon you shall spread your seed.

0:06 – Sean Frolics on the Beach In a Blue Tank Top
Because who needs sleeves, really?

0:07 – Sean Says He's Ready To Find Love
Consider our ovaries prepared.

0:08 – Sean Hangs Out By Large Rock
Don't question it, he is at one with nature.

0:09 – Sean Stands Shirtless on Mountain, Searches for Love
We volunteer as tribute!

0:10 – Random Lady Clutches Her Pearls
Get used to it, girl. Sean is coming atcha.

0:11 – Sean Laughs Adorably, Remains Shirtless
Also, he is in the woods for no apparent reason.

0:12 – Sean Drives In Convertible, Feels The Rain On His Skin
Oh, the places you'll go!

Credit: video still

0:13 – Sean and His Harem Skip Around the Beach
No words for this beautiful image.

0:14 – Random Contestant Pulls String Out Of Her Boobs
OMG, a court jester is among us.

0:15 – Another Random Contestant Shows Up With a Football
Because, sports.

0:16 – Sad Drunk Girl Tries to Do a Cartwheel, Fails
Cue Sean laughing like a maniac.

0:17 – Lindsay Yenter Shows Up In a Wedding Gown
What, guys? Stop judging this gorgeous vision of a lady.

0:21 – OMG A SURPRISE REPEAT CONTESTANT
Who could it be?!?! (Spoiler alert: It's this gal)

0:25 – Sean Forlornly Ponders Life While Sitting on a Car
His only friend is his six-pack.

Credit: YouTube Photo: Watch The Bachelor 2013 Promo: Partially Nude Sean Lowe! (VIDEO)