Credit: video still

Have you checked out the latest promo for The Bachelor Season 17? We're just, like, rolling around in a sea of rose petals with happiness. Not only does Sean Lowe whimsically frolick down a beach in the nude, he spends copious amounts of time making out with ladies and staring off into the distance for no apparent reason. Want more? We've analyzed each second content and created a detailed analysis of what’s to come!

0:18 – Sean Plummets to His Doom... Again
Seriously, all his dates involve attempted murder.

0:19 – Sean Makes Out With Some Random (They All Look Alike From Behind)
Notice that they're both clutching their wine glasses in sheer panic.

0:24 – Sean Strips Off His Tank Top Gleefully
We'd really love to see him mix things up with a spagetti strap.

0:25 – Sean Wanders Around With a Giant Stuffed Giraffe
Lord know what will happen to that giraffe in the Fantasy Suites.

Credit: ABC/RICK ROWELL

0:33 – Sean and Lesley Set Record For Longest On-Screen Kiss
Annnnd it's totally weird. Mostly because of all the middle-aged women watching them.

0:45 – Tierra Lies In the Fetal Position While Sean Awkwardly Strokes Her Butt
Please make this moment stop. 

0:46 – Tierra Pulls Sean Away From Desiree, Weaves Fly
Ugh Tierra, just go fall down some stairs already. Oh, wait....

0:59 – Sarah O-Faces In Horror
Sigh, they must have run out of white wine again. DO YOUR JOB, CHRIS HARRISON.

1:04 – Tierra Screams, No1Curr
Clearly, someone accidentally left carbs in the fridge.

1:06 – Tierra Flops Around On a Staircase
OMG, her yorkie terrier is so upset right now.

1:10 – Paramedics Pull Up to Bachelor Mansion
Any by "paramedics" we mean people from the nearby sanitorium.

1:18 – Sean Stares Into Space as Tierra Gets a Neck Brace 
Thought bubble: "Is now a good time to take off my shirt?"

1:22 – Tierra Is Wheeled Off Into The Great Unknown
See you on Bachelor Pad 4, girl!

Credit: YouTube Photo: Bachelor 2013 Promo: Why Does Tierra Fall Down the Stairs? (VIDEO)