Watching the promo for next week's Bachelor Season 17 episode is the best part of our day. Like, we literally just flail around all over our Sean Lowe-shaped body pillow while huffing a bunch of roses. Next week's episode looks even more fantastic (read: deranged) than usual, mostly because Sean forces Selma to scale a cliff. And yes, he probably pushed her off said cliff.
We've analyzed each second of promo content and created a detailed analysis of what’s to come!
0:25 — Sean's Car Makes Super Loud Noises
We appreciate your mastery of iMovie sound effects, ABC interns.
0:27 — Sean Snuggles With Selma
It's all so cute and innocent until his tongue comes out to mark its territory.
0:29 — Sean and Selma Laugh Gleefully on Plane
Hahahaha, planes are hilarious!
0:35 – Sean and Leslie Dance in a Clothing Store
Because that isn't weird.
0:37 — Sean Points at a Rock Formation
"I stood there shirtless once..."
0:38 — Sean and Selma Climb Up a Cliff
Dear god, Chris Harrison, does your cruelty know no bounds?
0:40 — Sean and Selma Look Into Sunset
But whatever, it's not as pretty as Sean's abs.
0:44 — Robyn Asks Sean to Taste Her Chocolate
Annnnd, everyone is super duper uncomfortable.
0:50-0:59 — Ladies Make Extremely Sad Attempt to Roller Derby
Literally, everyone falls over. Like, everyone.
1:00 — Tierra Starts Shrieking Hysterically
Probably hurled herself over a staircase again. Can't take this girl anywhere.
1:03 — Tierra Sits in Front of the Roaring Fires of Mordor
aka Bachelor Mansion's hearth.
1:09 — Tierra Asks Robyn If She's in High School
Pshhh, Sean wishes.
1:10 — Tierra Tells Us How Smart She Is
We don't want to bring up that whole staircase thing again, but...
1:17 — Tierra Storms Out, Wanders Into Some Creepy Back Alley
Probably where all the homeless ex-bachelors live.
1:22 — Tierra Has Complete Emotional Breakdown
Quick, Sean, take off your shirt!
1:27 — Tierra Says She's "Being Tortured"
Playing sports counts as torture as far as we're concerned, so yeah. Amen, sister.