Bachelor Sean Lowe has 99 problems, all of which have to do with how ridiculously hunky he is. This dude has more girlfriends on Season 17 than he knows what to do with, and this week he deflowered yet another reclaimed virgin. Check out the biggest jaw-dropping moments of the episode (aka OMGs), most of which have to do with evil monkey overlords.
1. AshLee Leaves Without Saying Goodbye
AshLee spent this entire season ugly-crying, pretty-crying, nervous-crying and dry-heaving, so naturally we expected her to breakdown into a spastic fit of tears when Sean was all, "shantay you stay, sashay away." Instead, AshLee's face froze, she gave Sean a death-glare, and then she simply walked by him and hopped in her car without so much as saying a word — not even a fond farewell to her fellow contestants! We're not sure what to make of AshLee's behavior, but the only time we've been this terrified was when Tierra's eyebrow declared war on Desiree's cleft chin.
2. Catherine and Sean Share Steamiest Kiss of the Season
Sean might claim that he's fallen for both Catherine and Lindsay, but his nipples don't lie. And during his date with Catherine, they were more erect than Anne Hathaway's at the Oscars. Sean and Catherine spent most of their day swimming with tropical fish and groping each other's butts under water because they made the mistake of thinking the cameras wouldn't see (please, the cameras SEE ALL). Their kissing session was the hottest of the entire season — and we are using the word "kiss" extremely loosely. It was more like Sean dipping his tongue into Catherine's mouth like a mother bird feeding its baby bird.
3. Sean Frolics With Apes
There's nothing more romantic than being sequestered on a lonely island with a tribe of hungry monkeys who want to eat you, right guys? Sure these little critters looked all sweet and innocent, but did you see the way they were peeping on Sean and Lindsay as they made out in the water? They totally wanted to kidnap Sean and take him to their overlord as a sacrificial offering. Also, side note — the footage of Sean frolicking with these evil apes was beyond adorable. Did you see how he giggled in glee as he fed them grapes? It was like Jane Goodall all over again!
4. Sean and Lindsay Eat Crickets
In case you hadn't noticed from ABC's hilarious editing and even more hilarious flute music, Thailand (according to The Bachelor) is an exotic place full of magical mystery, where everyone chills out next to fire pits, makes friends with beach monkeys, and eats crickets. And we couldn't help but notice that Sean dived into that pile of bugs like he was a kid at a candy store. Not only did he munch on them with relish, he oohed and awed over adorable fluffy street chicks and then moments later was seen gnawing on a chicken leg. Just sayin'... we all know what Sean did to those little fellas once the cameras turned off. HE ATE THEM.
5. Sean and AshLee Get Lost In Giant Cave
Whoever thought it was a good idea for Sean and AshLee to enter a murky cave with nothing but a dingy was seriously high on rose fumes. And yes, we're looking at you, Chris Harrison. Not only was AshLee in full panic mode, we're pretty sure these two were almost attacked by a roving sea creature (we continue to look at you, Chris Harrison). Plus, Sean had no idea where he was going, swore several times, and ended up nearly trapping himself and AshLee in a dead end. Basically, it felt like we were watching an episode of I Shouldn't Be Alive, aka the best reality show known to mankind.