Um, more like the 5 biggest OMFG moments, right guys? The Bachelor Season 17 “Women Tell All” special was basically a rollercoaster of deranged finger-wagging, overly-excited high fiving (we're looking at you, audience members), and freshly manicured claws. Sean Lowe's ladies had clearly been locked in a room full of Franzia and feelings prior to filming, because they were basically flailing around all over the place and it was ahhh-mazing. Check out the highlights!
1. Sean Has No Idea How to Open a Wine Bottle
We've learned so much from The Bachelor Season 17 blooper reel. Mostly, that Sean has no idea how to handle his liquor. First, this poor little dude tried to pop open a bottle of champagne and it weakly pre-ejaculated all over his pants in the most tragic way ever. And then the ABC crew gave him the challenging task of opening a wine bottle, and he failed so epically that AshLee Frazier had to take over. It was like watching the Little Engine That Totally Couldn't.
2. Tierra Is Engaged — Possibly to Herself
Is it just us, or was Tierra LiCausi looking better than ever during the “Women Tell All” special? Not only was her forehead dent mysteriously absent, she was rocking a brand new diamond ring, because spoiler alert! She's engaged! But when Chris Harrison started prying into Tierra's love life she clammed up and refused to answer his questions. In fact, she was even cagey about how long she'd been engaged to her mysterious lover. Note to Tierra: asking your Yorkshire Terrier to propose to you isn't a crime. Actually, it might be, but either way you have nothing to be ashamed of.
3. AshLee Calls Sean a Liar
Sean has some serious explaining to do. And we're not just talking about the fact that he obviously has no idea how to ride a bike. According to AshLee, Sean had zero feelings for the other ladies in his love nest, a fact which he straight up denied during the "Women Tell All" special. Although, the poor dear did seem slightly confuzzled, so it's totally possible that he just forgot the whole thing. Clearly, the push-ups are addling the few remaining brain cells that he possesses.
4. Tierra Apologizes... Kind Of
We felt tierrable for Tierra (AHAHAHAH, that joke never gets old) during the “Women Tell All” special, mostly because the women took the title of said special super seriously and were telling all kinds of all. Mostly about how much they hate Tierra. The innocent lamb was definitely being ganged up on (even Chris Harrison openly mocked her eyebrow), so it's no surprise that she was reluctant to apologize. But girlfriend did end up saying sorry for her actions, though we're pretty sure it was opposite day in Bachelor Mansion. We're also pretty sure her apology was a secret curse and that Tierra has just put A POX UPON US.
5. Sean Strips for Bachelor Viewing Party
Much like his homeboy Jesus, Sean took it upon himself to wander around Los Angeles like a prophetic nomad during The Bachelor, where he popped in on several viewing parties and proceeded to strip (also, that part is not at all like Jesus). We're worried this poor hunk is being used for his body, and the time has come for him to break the glass ceiling and just say no to being shirtless. You are more than your boobs sean. Stop letting your nipples control your identity!