Credit: ABC

Let’s pretend that we didn’t drop out of philosophy class after two hours and respond to your question with a question, Socrates style: ARE YOU FREAKING KIDDING? OBVIOUSLY The Bachelor is on tonight. You know why we say “obviously,” friendo? Because it’s only the FREAKING finale tonight!!! Sean Lowe, you guys. Ever heard of him???

Yes. It’s an undeniable fact that tonight is the night, the night when everything happens. Tonight Sean will choose either Catherine Giudici or Lindsay Yenter to have and to hold as long as they both shall still like each other. The finale, which takes place in Thailand, will feature some declarations of love, probably lots of tears, a visit from Sean’s fam — including his mom who is not into Sean proposing to these broads — and, yes, an elephant.

In the end, no finale would be complete without some deep sighing, bated breath, and a secret letter, which “risks everything.” Who’s it from? What does it say? And will Sean be swayed by its contents? It’s all happening tonight on a very special episode of The Bachelor.

And in case two hours of heart-stopping, earth-shaking drama isn’t enough, stay tuned after the episode for “After the Final Rose,” wherein Sean and his new lady friend will appear together LIVE for the first time!

The Bachelor Season 17 finale and ATFR air TONIGHT, March 11 from 8-11pm on ABC.