Credit: Rick Rowell/ABC Television Group ©2010 Disney Photo: Brad Womack and Madison Garton in The Bachelor Season 15, Episode 3
ROSE CEREMONY
Brad says if anyone is having second thoughts about being there, just don't accept the rose.

1. Michelle
2. Chantal

At this point, Madison steps down. Actually, she walks out. She's not even going to wait to be offered a rose. Drama queen, or seriously fed up with "the process"? She cries and reiterates that she would have "a really hard time taking a rose from one of these girls." She would rather go home.

Brad says he likes this Madison a lot, because nothing turns Brad on like rejection. He feels like he's missing out on a helluva girl. She leaves without seeming to say goodbye to the other ladies. She says she came there because it sounded fabulous, but it's not so easy as just walking into a fairy tale and walking out with prince charming. She adds that things may have worked out differently if she had shown all her cards from the beginning. What does that even mean? Is she regretting the fangs? It just seems like Brad was never her type, so no harm, no foul. It's not like he isn't dumping chicks left and right!

Back at the Rose Ceremony, Brad repeats that if anyone doesn't feel right about it, don't accept the rose. But they all stay.

3. Lisa
4. Jackie
5. Ashley H.
6. Marissa
7. Britt
8. Alli
9. Lindsay
10. Meghan
11. Stacey

Eliminated: Kimberly Coon and Sarah Powell

NEXT WEEK
Chantal vs. Michelle heats up. Go Team Chantal!
Credit: Rick Rowell/ABC Television Group ©2010 Disney Photo: Chantal O'Brien and Brad Womack in The Bachelor Season 15, Episode 3
COCKTAIL PARTY GOES SOUTH
Is Brad ever going to have a nice, normal cocktail party? Last week we had the Melissa/Raichel drama, and this week Chantal seems to be wearing Melissa's cougar outfit. On top of that, Brad has a talk with a therapist, and he hears Alli's sob story, because that's the best way to secure a rose from this guy.

After telling Brad earlier that sexual chemistry is very important to her (and we know it's a big deal for Brad), Alli talks about how her father was unfaithful and he had another daughter she wasn't aware of.

Unfortunately, Madison can't compete with the paranoia/stalking/sob stories. She tells Brad she's thinking of going home, because she doesn't like the idea of taking a rose away from one of the other women. She realizes the level of desperation she's dealing with and wants out. Plus, if you're just not that into someone, it's nicer to say, "I don't want to hurt the other women" than "You're boring and you like crazy chicks."

Brad convinces her to stay until the Rose Ceremony.
Credit: Craig Sjodin/ABC Television Group ©2010 Disney Photo: Emily Promo Photo
DATE WITH EMILY
Before her date with Brad, Emily tells the women her tragic story about fiance Ricky Hendrick's plane crash and the subsequent birth of their daughter, Ricki. Madison and Meghan tear up while Jackie and Ashley S. give Emily appraising "how will this help me?" looks. (Hey, fair enough. They are all there to fight for him.)

Brad gushes about how attracted he is to Emily, and even Meghan admits it's impossible to hate this "itsy bitsy Barbie doll with the soul of Mother Theresa." Especially when this Mother Theresa called Michelle a "smart-ass" last week and drops the s--t bomb on Brad during their date. She's a relatable saint!

Although Brad says Emily was a frontrunner from the moment he saw her — shallow much, buddy? — their date starts badly. First of all, nice job setting her up with a plane. Brad doesn't know her story at this point, but the producers do, so they exploit her plane crash fears in some attempt to push her to tell her story. Once Brad and Emily arrive at the winery, it seems cold and windy. Their conversation is awkward because Emily just deflects all of Brad's questions. If she weren't drop-dead gorgeous, the date would be over. But they go into a barn for dinner and she finally opens up. Again, Brad seems floored, but he asks about Ricki and says everything she's told him makes him like her even more.

He gives her a chaste kiss on the cheek, which turns into a kiss on the lips. Not passionate, more sweet. It's very Chris Lambton — as in, this is clearly a wonderful person, but are they right for each other? Can you really picture Brad with Emily long-term? Brad can, it seems, saying he can see Emily as the woman he wants to spend his life with.
Credit: Rick Rowell/ABC Television Group ©2010 Disney Photo: Shawntel Newton in The Bachelor Season 15, Episode 3
GROUP DATE: ACTION MOVIE!
We're down to 12 women this week: Lindsay, Shawntel, Alli, Britt, Kimberly, Sarah, Chantal, Ashley H., Lisa, Stacey, Marissa, and Michelle.

The date card says "Love hurts," and when Michelle is involved, you know it.

Brad dreaded the idea of singing a heartfelt love song, but he's pumped to be saved by a bunch of tough chicks in a fake action movie. Read into that what you will. He says, "I love to get dirty and so I want a wife that does the same exact thing."

The wife to beat turns out to be funeral director Shawntel Newton, who could probably use her ass-kicking skills to get some new clients. Michelle found Shawntel's presumption to kiss Brad "offensive" and feels like that's not what he's looking for. (Someone forgot to explain the concept of the show to this one.) Meanwhile, Brad has no complaints about kissing every woman who crosses his path.

During her sit-down with Brad, Chantal finds exactly the right button to push by bursting into tears about her own insecurities and daddy issues. "I just feel like every time I start to feel special with you, someone else has the same experience." (True!) She also talks about the worst mistake she's ever made, which she feels was waiting too long to contact her biological father. She hadn't spoken to her real dad since she was 9 and found out through the woman that he remarried that he'd passed away. She sells Brad on her tough-girl-with-a-soft-center persona.

They acknowledge their obvious chemistry — and then they kiss. It's a good'un, and she hasn't even had a one-on-one date yet!

But speaking of someone having the same special experience, Michelle goes Fatal Attraction on Brad during his one-on-one time with Alli, and he is powerless to refuse her. Ever-conniving, Michelle makes Brad melt by pulling the "am I selfish for leaving my daughter behind?" card. They share a passionate kiss to a voice-over of Michelle gloating. Her nemesis, Chantal, must have loved watching that this week.

In the end, he gives the rose to Shawntel, saying he knows nothing about her yet is "wildly attracted" to her. Brad has not changed as much as he'd like to think.
DATE WITH ASHLEY SPIVEY
For whatever reason, the producers give Brad and Ashley S. the "torture" date. Their "romantic" task is "Let's find our love song," but for once when two people announce that they can't sing, they are both telling the truth. Capitol Records has probably never heard anything worse than their caterwauling that was supposed to pass as "Kiss From a Rose." Brad calls the experience "torturous" and "embarrassing," and the fact that the song was Ashley's favorite when she was 10 (we feel so old!) brings her to tears. She opens up about her father, who died two years ago from a brain hemorrhage. They used to sing this song together, which truly must've sounded awful.

Seal shows up to perform for them, and we hope (for his sake) that he did not listen to their version of his song. Brad says Ashley lets him just be himself — which is also what he said about the other Ashley last week. Ashley reveals that she's already falling for Brad. "It makes me just think even though I lost my dad, I'm going to get a great husband." There's a rose. They kiss. And "Kiss From a Rose" officially becomes the new "On the Wings of Love."
Credit: Rick Rowell/ABC Television Group ©2010 Disney Photo: Brad Womack Carries Shawntel Newton in The Bachelor Season 15, Episode 3
Point to ponder: Can Brad Womack fall in love with a woman if she does not first share a sob story he can relate to? Ashley Hebert's daddy issues. Ashley Spivey's daddy issues. Chantal O'Brien's daddy issues. Alli Travis's daddy issues. Jackie Gordon's cautious dating history. Emily Maynard's cautious dating history. On some level, it feels like Brad is choosing himself — again. But at least he's choosing equally attractive female versions. (Michelle "I'm No Saner a Week After My Birthday" Money wasn't the only one eye-stalking shirtless Brad in that pool.)

Maybe that's the problem with Madison Garton. As she explained to Ashley S. in The Bachelor Season 15, Episode 3, she came onto the show because she wants to find love, but some of these ladies need to find love. She's a fang-wearing vampire wannabe from New York — which is not something Brad can relate to — but weirdly enough, she's almost too well-adjusted for him. He needs a fellow wounded soul, and she's just fine the way she is. In fact, she may be the most stable woman in the bachelorette mansion.

Of course, she's not there anymore. She rejected Brad's rose, which is probably going to set him back another three years. Better call the therapist!

In all seriousness — and this season is painfully serious about everything — they should've cut that whole Brad's-British-therapist-in-L.A. segment, if for no other reason than it takes away from Rosemaster Chris Harrison's already limited job. He's the one who's supposed to sit there and listen to The Bachelor prattle on about his feelings. And this was arguably the most emotional episode in Bachelor history.

There was bad singing, fake butt-kicking, an awkward trip to a winery, more tears than we can count about more things than we can understand, and two more renditions of Emily's tragic story. It's like the producers have a secret deal with Kleenex and this is all just one long ad campaign.

This season better have a happy ending or we'll find those ninjas Michelle mentioned and have them drag Brad and the producers out to the desert...