Ding dong! The witch has fled! Which old witch? The wicked witch ...
Yes, in a rare good decision, Brad Womack said goodbye to Michelle Money on The Bachelor Season 15, Episode 7. No more birthdays, ninjas, monkeys, black eyes and repellent rappelling dates. Maybe now she can go replace the “crazy” girl who looks and acts just like her in the Virgin Mobile commercials.
And yet … what in heaven’s name are we going to talk about next week?! Michelle sucked up all the energy on the show and now we’re left with four women of varying degrees of sanity (Team Shawntel?) and one only semi-interesting Bachelor to woo them. Full snores ahead?
Oh and Britt Billmaier is gone, too, but she was barely there to begin with. Great hair, though. She’s better off just trying to nab whoever owns that yacht.
Read on for more about Britt’s extremely awkward one-on-one; Emily’s only slightly less awkward experience; an actual good date with Shawntel; and still another group date from hell with the three most emotionally insecure women on the planet!
The final six ladies arrive by boat in Anguilla — like something out of Baywatch, Ashley Hebert declares. They check into a villa, which is the most "amazing" place ever.
Rosemaster Chris Harrison says this week there will be three one-on-one dates and one group date. There will be no roses handed out on the on one-on-one dates, but there will be one on the group date.
Date card 1: "Three things I would bring to a deserted island: Picnic lunch, champagne, Emily"
Emily feels like she and Brad have to move past the nervous, butterfly stage. Brad said the last time he was with Emily in Costa Rica they fumbled a bit. He's not sure he deserves to be with her. If they are still worried about moving past things, it may be a sign that they don't belong together.
A helicopter comes to pick them up for a date that Brad pretends he planned himself. (Ha!) They have a picnic on a private island, which is reminiscent of Ali Fedotowsky and Roberto Martinez on The Bachelorette.
Brad and Emily have zero chemistry and even worse conversational skills. "It's really, really pretty" and "Love it here" are all they have to say. It's worse than Brad's date with Alli Travis.
Brad is still nervous around her. She's still nervous around him. They are still talking about letting their walls down. This couple would not exist at all if:
1. She were not drop-dead gorgeous
2. The producers weren't grooming her for Something More.
But then they kiss. They still can't hold a conversation — unless it's about the sun and the moon aligning or whatever Emily was babbling about — but at least they can smooch.
Brad wants to meet Emily's daughter and they talk about it during their dinner right on the beach. He asks if she would allow him to meet Ricki. She gives a deep sigh and talks about her anxiety. She's "overprotective" and she's never introduced Ricki to people that she's dated. She doesn't want to confuse Ricki, which makes perfect sense. Brad basically begs Emily to meet Ricki, which is pushing it a bit. Emily says she's really scared, but then she thinks, how could he consider proposing to her if she won't even let him meet her kid? Fair point.
Brad lays down the law: They're going to her hometown, date rose or no date rose. He broke a few rules to tell her that, but he doesn't care about the rules. He cares about Emily. They kiss again. He says he "fell hard." She says she feels like the happiest person on the world and she hasn't felt like this in a long time.
These two. Not feeling these two. Separately, they are great. Together? There's no there there.
Date card 2: Shawntel N. — "Let's find love on the streets of Anguilla"
Britt feels rejected. Shawntel is excited, but feels bad for Britt, who has still not gone on a one-on-one date. Oh well!
They listen to music, jump rope, play dominoes and listen to love advice from a wise local lady — ala the fortune teller who told Ali that Frank Neuschaefer had eyes for another woman on The Bachelorette. (She was right!) The lady tells them to hold hands and kiss, which is too late since he's already done that with Emily. And everyone else. Maybe someone could suggest talking, for a change.
Brad likes being with Shawntel because they are very natural together — the exact opposite of his time with Emily. As Shawntel tells Brad she's starting to fall for him, she seems to push her chest out. Nice advertising. Go for the goods!
Brad says tonight needs to be big because his date with Emily was so perfect. Translation: Shawntel needs to stop talking and start making out with him.
At dinner, Shawntel makes her big pitch for Brad to come visit her family in Chico. (Come see the funeral parlor!) Shawntel seems to be just now hearing the "daddy was never there for me" story. Why did it take him this long to talk about how his parents are no longer together?
They kiss, which seals the deal. On top of that, Bankie Banx shows up for a live reggae concert. Shawntel uses two "amazings" to describe Brad and he is more confused than ever (and that's saying something) about who to keep for hometown dates.
Date card 3: Britt — "Let's set sail on the sea of love"
Britt has been the running joke up to this point. Michelle believes her ship will sink. What does it mean when Michelle is right about something?
Brad picks up Britt in a yacht — if by pick up he means they have to swim out to it. The other women are crazy jealous. Leading the pack is — duh! — Michelle, who doesn't think Brad and Britt will even end up friending each other on Facebook. (Point to ponder: Will any of the women friend Michelle?)
Brad and Britt (that does sound cute) go cliff-jumping. Britt is terrified, which is her "go-to feeling." Bad sign. Brad should be helping her before she jumps, but instead he directs her from the water.
Brad says they're having a good conversation, but he doesn't have that urge to just grab Britt and kiss her. So she's not good wife material. Whatever happened to marrying your best friend? Little Brad is calling the shots, again, and we know how that turns out.
They have dinner on the yacht and Brad agrees that it was "a great date." Liar! He tells the camera there's no romance. This date can be salvaged if Britt shows her ace card — reviewing food. How is the dinner? Impress him!
Brad gives his "any guy would be lucky to have you" speech. Britt does not seem to see the "but" coming. He says he thinks enough of her that he feels compelled to tell her now that he does not see a future with her. BURN.
Britt wants to keep going out with him to see if there's something there. She just wants more time. Nope. "Last time I did do this show, I was absolutely crucified for stringing people along," Brad says. Better to dump them on a yacht? Does she get to stay on the yacht?
The final insult: Britt has to go back to the house to pack her bags. She has to face the women and explain the dumping. They pretend to feel sorry for her, when they are not-so-secretly thrilled.
Date card 4: Ashley, Chantal, Michelle — "This is the dawn of a new love"
Chantal does not want Michelle on the date. Michelle does not want anyone else on the date.
Brad insists that millions of women dream of being woken up pre-dawn and photographed 90 percent naked in front of an entire crew of strangers. Uh, no. They will be shot for the Sports Illustrated swimsuit issue which comes out February 15. Michelle is excited, because promoting herself is why she's here. Ashley thinks she's going to need help, uh, upstairs. Chantal regrets eating so much and she feels like "a fat lard."
Ashley goes first. Chantal tells Brad she looks like "the girl next door" which is a clever and subtle slap. Of course, most girls next door don't take their tops off and cover their ta-tas with sea shells.
Chantal doesn't feel sexy, but she's choosing to pretend she does. (Just don’t pretend you’re in love with Brad if you don’t mean that, either.) She takes her top off, too. Brad thinks it's hot to see Ashley and Chantal go topless, but it's making "the other women" feel jealous and competitive.
Michelle is not easily persuaded into something like a topless shoot. But she's very good at persuading Brad to do things. She's done modeling before and she drafts Brad to pose
with under her.
Brad realizes the group date is not going well. Michelle got aggressive and it's his fault because he went for it, kissing her and basically making the babies she's wanted to make this whole time. Now Ashley and Chantal are upset — which is nothing new — and Brad needs to attempt damage control. He is afraid of them.
Ashley feels like the kid sister. She thinks Brad has more passionate feelings for Michelle and Chantal. Brad asks Ashley how he can make her feel special.
Brad starts babbling to Chantal about "it is what it is." He asks if her feelings have changed. She says she still loves him. Her love is put to the test, but she can't ignore those feelings. Brad likes to hear that she loves him, but not that she's feeling distant from him.
Brad says he and Michelle may be too much alike. This is not accurate. He's wishy-washy. She's dominant. He likes her "almost volatile" nature, just like he was into the vampire chick. Nice girls like Britt are just too normal for him. He’s afraid of giving a rose to one woman because the other women may leave. That would actually be the best thing that could happen to him.
He gives the rose to Ashley, who was actually the most clingy of the three. Chantal and Michelle do look incredibly pissed. Chantal starts crying, of course. Ashley comforts her as Brad begs to just talk to her. The more dramatic emotions you show, the more it works on Brad. He is so easy.
Chantal lays down her ultimatum: If he can’t choose her out of three girls, just send her home. (DO IT.) Brad has good arguments to make, but he’s not making them. He’s just saying “that’s your perception” and other vague things. Chantal needs to pull it together, stat.
Emily’s print dress is adorable. Based on wardrobe, she should get the first rose.
Brad finally talks to Chris Harrison, the original Bachelor therapist. Brad says it’s been a week of clarity. (So Brad is finally waking up to the real Michelle … and blaming her for the fact that he is weak and easily led. Nice.) He wants to break the rules by skipping the cocktail party. He tells Chris he made his decision earlier in the day. He’s 100 percent confident.
Ashley already has a rose. Britt is already gone. Brad has three roses to hand out:
Michelle is gone. A great light has gone out.
She won’t even let him hold her hand on the way out. She’s not talking to him. Brad, take it as a blessing.
Michelle lays down in the limo. This is new. She says nothing. Just lays there. Is that why she got such a bum edit? Because she didn’t give them a good tearful farewell speech?
Chantal’s dog is adorable, like Jiggy from The Real Housewives of Beverly Hills. Shawntel gives Brad a tour of the family funeral home — shades of Kirk DeWindt from his ill-fated hometown visit on The Bachelorette. Emily does let Brad meet Ricki, but Ricki has better taste: She’s just not that into him.
Dying to know who goes home next? Check out Steve’s spoilers for Episode 8.
Can’t get enough of Bachelor Brad and his babes? Keep your fingers on the pulse and “Like” us on Facebook! We like you, after all!
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