It may be time to call it: This season of The Bachelor isn't about finding love at all — it's one long intervention.
Or maybe a long episode of Punk'd. At any rate, more Season 15 Bachelor contestants will be tortured in Week 4. Michelle Money gets a black eye and has to overcome her fear of heights. Chantal O'Brien has to face her fear of, uh, water. And even sweet Southern Barbie/Mother Teresa Emily Maynard faces the wrath of the other bachelorettes. Prepare for the locusts, they'll be here next week.
Chantal is not that tough: The producers are just plain mean. They make Brad and Ashley Spivey sing, even though they're terrible; they make Emily Maynard fly, despite her tragic backstory; and now they are making Chantal O'Brien go underwater, even though she has a phobia about water. Chantal is thrilled to learn she's getting a one-on-one date with Brad... until she realizes the date card message, "How deep is your life," involves diving and not the Bee Gees. Chantal and Brad take a helicopter to Catalina Island, where she discovers they'll have to put on wetsuits and diver helmets to plunge to the ocean floor for the scenic stroll of a lifetime. (Side note: Catalina is also where Tenley Molzahn and Kiptyn Locke became Kip-Ten on Bachelor Pad.) Will the slapper be able to conquer her fears? This girl is a marshmallow.
Radio group date: The next day Brad takes nine women on a date to a radio station, where they discover they'll be guests on "Loveline," the famed talk show where hosts Dr. Drew & Psycho Mike dig deep into matters of the heart. In the revealing session, one woman discloses a shocking secret that could jeopardize her relationship with Brad. (This sounds like the woman who admits to having cheated in the past; we hear a piece of that in the previews.) The intense drama continues at the after-party where another bachelorette melts down when she thinks her connection to the Bachelor is fading. However, a reserved woman finally opens up to Brad about her feelings for him, which might boost her chances of getting a rose.
Michelle is upset, y'all: The following day Brad picks up a "black-eyed" Michelle, for their one-on-one date, but she seethes with resentment when Brad takes time away from her to first reassure one sensitive woman that their connection is real. Michelle is infuriated that she is losing time with Brad because some other bachelorette can't keep her emotions in check. (Pot, meet kettle.) Brad eventually whisks Michelle away in a helicopter to the top of a skyscraper in downtown Los Angeles. Once he reveals that they will be rappelling down the side of the building, Michelle grows weak in the knees. Can she overcome her fear of heights and take a real leap of faith with Brad? Or will we finally be rid of her?
Again with the therapist! Brad is overwhelmed by all the connections he is feeling with a number of women and consults his therapist, who assures Brad that he owes it to himself — as well as to the women — to explore the bonds he is forming with them. Heeding his therapist's advice, Brad pulls the delighted Emily out for a surprise picnic in front of the mansion during the cocktail reception, sparking a massive outpouring of envy and resentment from the other women and bringing one to tears. (Just one?) Funny note on the therapist — Reality Steve found the guy's IMDb page. It turns out, British therapist Dr. Jaime Greene (if he really is a doctor... ) is the former drummer from Go West. Remember them from "King of Wishful Thinking," the song that played in Pretty Woman? Hysterical!
Next stop: After another tense rose ceremony, 11 women remain to begin a worldwide adventure with Brad. The first stop is Las Vegas, which doesn't really count as worldwide since it's a short flight away from L.A.
The 14 women still in the running toward becoming America's Next Top Bachelor Dumpee Are:
Alli, 24, an apparel merchant from Columbus, OH
Ashley H., 26, a dentist from Philadelphia, PA
Ashley S., 26, a nanny from New York, NY
Britt, 25, a food writer from Woodinville, WA
Chantal, 28, an executive assistant from Seattle, WA
Emily, 24, a children’s hospital event planner from Charlotte, NC
Jackie, 27, an artist from New York, NY
Lindsay, 25, a first grade teacher from Plano, TX
Lisa M., 24, a marketing coordinator from Ottawa, KS
Marissa, 26, a sports publicist from Kissimmee, FL
Meghan, 30, a fashion marketer from New York, NY
Michelle, 30, a hairstylist from Salt Lake City, UT
Shawntel, 25, a funeral director from Chico, CA
Stacey, 26, a bartender from Boston, MA